Week 4 – Family Skills: Part 1 

Religious Principles and Practices in the Family

Religious practices are “outward, observable expressions of faith such as prayer, scripture study, rituals, traditions, or less overtly sacred practice or abstinence that is religiously grounded” (Dollahite et al., 2004, p. 413). This definition captures both the proscriptions (or “thou shalt nots”) and prescriptions (or “thou shalts”) of religious practice.

Praying as a Family: The religious practice of prayer in marriage 

Over the past three decades, prayer has received increased attention in connection with marriage. A qualitative study by Butler and colleagues (1998) produced several findings that were substantiated and supported in a quantitative follow-up study with 217 religious spouses (Butler et al., 2002). These findings included participants’ statements of belief that prayer enhanced experiences of emotional validation; promoted accountability toward deity; de-escalated negative interactions, contempt, hostility, and emotional reactivity; enhanced relationship behavior; facilitated partner empathy; increased self-change focus; encouraged reconciliation and problem-solving; and promoted a sense of guidance from God (Butler et al., 2002).

Although several positive outcomes have been associated with prayer, certain types of accusative or blaming prayer can also be red flags that reflect negative coping (Pargament et al., 2003). One recent study also indicated that one-sided prayer attempts indicate that “imbalances of anxiety, distress, and/or power may exist in a couple relationship [that] need to be addressed” (Gardner et al., 2008, p. 163). There can be diametric differences between a prayer where a marital couple seeks shared guidance from God throughout a difficulty  (Butler et al., 2002), compared with blaming, resentment-filled prayer. Framed within a marital context, praying to God, and stating, “If you want my marriage to work, help my spouse to not be such an aggravating jerk” is far less active and helpful than praying to Him and pleading, “Please soften our hearts and help us to be more patient and understanding with each other” (p. 682). Negatively focused prayer is associated with ill, not good. Conversely, humble, charity-filled, true prayer often helps with conflict resolution and promotes a sense of relational responsibility (Butler et al., 2002). A Christian mother in a qualitative study explained: 

We have disagreements [in our marriage], we have things we don’t see the same sometimes, and faith is a source of help. We can pray about things together and the Lord can help us work things out. Sometimes one person has to give in and accept the other person’s point of view [and] it helps to be able to pray about things. The Lord, He’s the best counselor you could ever have (Dollahite & Marks, 2009, p. 381).

Why Encourage Religion in the Family?

One father from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, reflecting on his beliefs about fatherhood, stated, “I learned that I would die for this person…We will be linked forever. [I know that] this child is my responsibility forever, to guide, to direct, and to nurture” (Dollahite et al., 1998, p. 84). This connection between faith in God and the responsibility to care for a child is, perhaps, never tested or strained more than when parents see their child struggling.  

Of the more than 200 total studies focused on both faith and mental health, roughly 80 percent indicate greater hope or optimism, greater well-being, a greater sense of purpose and meaning in life, lower depression, less anxiety and fear, and less negative coping among those who are religious (Koenig, 2001).

A highly religious mother in a study stated:

‘What God hath put together, let no man put asunder.’ I don’t believe in divorce…God has ingrained my marriage in me so deeply…[Some] women might say, “I don’t care if he [my husband] is mad or not.” Or “I don’t care if I spend all the money up.” But in my mind, I’m thinking. . . I’ve got to get myself together and give [God and my husband] the honor of what this relationship means (Marks, 2002, p. 101). 

Such views contrast sharply with the privatized and contractual view of marriage that family scholar and therapist Bill Doherty (2002) disparagingly refers to as, “commitment-as-long-as things are working out for me” (p. 21). Comparatively, quantitative research has shown connections between religious belief and involvement and higher marital satisfaction, stability, duration, and increased commitment and fidelity (D. C. Dollahite et al., 2004)—as well as a “greater likelihood of future marital happiness” (Clements et al., 2004, p. 622). A qualitative study examined potential reasons these positive marital differences tend to emerge among the more highly religious reported “insider” explanations, including pro-marriage/anti-divorce beliefs, shared religious beliefs, and faith in God as a marital support (L. Marks, 2005). 

An in-depth study in the United States with nearly 200 diverse highly religious families clearly indicates that these marriages and families have their share of challenges and problems— including some that are related to or exacerbated by their faith involvement (L. D. Marks et al., 2009). Religious community, practices, and beliefs are not a universal cure for all challenges. With this said, the social science research base (including numerous quantitative and qualitative studies) indicates that marriage-based families in which the parents share religious involvement seem to fare comparatively well. Many of these families may be fortunate enough to avoid some of the forces that threaten and destroy marriages and families. Whether this is the case or not, the multi-dimensional resources of faith seem to serve as valuable coping resources that help families of faith to navigate the challenges that inevitably find us all. In the words of one African American father, “When you believe in God . . . yes, the boat still gets to rockin, but [God] says, ‘In me you can weather the storm’” (Marks et al., 2008, p. 179). Social science evidence suggests that shared faith appears to be a principle upon which “successful marriages and families are established and maintained,” even during the storm. 

Religion and the Parent-Child Bond

Religious practices and the parent-child bond  

Rituals can be powerful, but sometimes simple conversations can be significant as well. Boyatzis and Janicki’s (2003) study based on surveys and diaries found that most Christian mothers in their study frequently engaged in discussions with their children regarding matters of faith—a practice that has been reported to be influential, even years later in children’s lives (Wuthnow, 2000). Pearce and Axinn (1998) found that, “various dimensions of family religious life [including religious practices] have positive enduring effects on mothers’ and children’s perceptions of the quality of the mother-child relationship” (p. 810). Kind, loving behavior by parents seems to facilitate the ability of a child to conceive of and believe in a loving God, while hostile parental practices seem to dispel a child’s faith in a benevolent supreme being (D. Dollahite, 1998). 

A related series of findings from the National Study of Youth and Religion (NYSR), show that the greatest evidence of religious practice and involvement influencing youth’s lives for the better can be seen when comparing the lives of the most religious youth, the devoted (8 percent of American youth), with the lives of the average American youth (Smith & Denton, 2005). Devoted youth report that their religion is “very or extremely important in [their] everyday life” and that they feel “very or extremely close to God”; they pray, read their scriptures more, and attend religious services more than other American teens (p. 220). In their family relationships, the devoted group of highly religious youth reported having the highest quality of parent-child relationships in every area studied, including levels of honesty, acceptance, and understanding; getting along; and feeling loved by and close to their parents. These findings seem to indicate a strong, two-way connection between religious practice and family relationships. 

We began our discussion of the dimension of religious practices by defining them as engaging in the thou shalts and avoiding the thou shalt nots. It seems significant to us that several studies on adolescent outcomes indicate that a central key to helping our children, youth, and young adults avoid dangerous thou shalt nots (like alcohol, drugs, and premarital sex) seems to be high levels of participation in the thou shalts of religious practice (Caroll et al., 2000; (Chadwick & Top, 1998; (Laird et al., 2009). On this note, based on his national study, Smith (2005) offered two overarching conclusions: (a) “highly religious teenagers appear to be doing much better in life than less religious teenagers” (p. 263); however, (b) “a modest amount of religion . . . does not appear to make a consistent difference in the lives of U.S. teenagers; . . . only the more serious religious teens seem to benefit.” (p. 233). In addition to serious religious practice, a second recurring key in promoting a wide array of positive outcomes is the sharing of meaningful family time (Chadwick & Top, 1998; Doherty & Carlson, 2002). For Latter-day Saint families, these two keys of religious practice and family unity can be synergistically integrated into family prayer, family home evening, and family scripture study 

Principles for Successful Marriages and Families 

Faith

“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on [the principle] of faith…” 

Religious community and marital fidelity  

One study reported, “that with the exception of two religious groups (nontraditional conservatives and non-Christian faiths), holding any religious affiliation is associated with reduced odds of marital infidelity compared to those with no religious affiliation” (Burdette et al., 2007, p. 1571). However, the same study also noted substantial denominational variation in the odds of marital fidelity, particularly among those who strongly affiliate with their religious group. In another study of 1,439 currently married participants, Atkins and Kessel (2008) concluded that church attendance was significantly related to issues of fidelity and infidelity. However, measures of faith, nearness to God, prayer, and other religious attributes were not. Data indicated that individuals who had reported high religious importance but low church attendance were more likely to have had an affair than those in many other categories. In sum, going to church together was what mattered, not more abstract reports regarding faith, the importance of religion, or nearness to God. In an even larger previous study on fidelity involving approximately 3,000 couples, the same lead researcher measured marital satisfaction, opportunities of spouses to interact with other men and women (such as in workplaces), age at first marriage, previous divorces, socioeconomic background, and religious affiliation and attendance (Atkins et al., 2001). This study also found that religious involvement appears to protect against infidelity, but only among those who were reportedly satisfied in their marital relationship. 

Atkins and colleagues (2001) concluded, “Couples who are not happy in their relationship might believe that participating in organized religious activities can help safeguard their marriages.” Based on their study, however, “only people who were in happy marriages and were involved in frequent religious activities were less likely to engage in infidelity” (p. 747). It seems that the combination of marital satisfaction and shared religious involvement may work together to provide an effective preventive maintenance program for marital fidelity. 

Religious community and avoidance of pornography, violence, and conflict  

One study addressed Internet pornography, a growing concern because of its negative effects on marital relationships and family ties, and found that greater church attendance was related to lower rates of pornography use (Stack et al., 2004). Similarly, Ellison, Bartkowski, and Anderson (1999) found that regular attendance at religious services was related to lower rates of domestic violence for men and women. However, rates of abuse tend to escalate in situations in which, “the men attend religious services much more often than their wives or partners” (p. 98). Indeed, differences in religious involvement seem to show higher rates of both marital conflict and failure. Curtis and Ellison (2002) found—based on national data from 2,945 first-time married couples—that not only are religious differences linked with increased religion-oriented disputes, but there also appears to be something of a spillover effect. When men attend church with their wives there are fewer disputes, not only over faith, but also over housework, money, how time is spent, and sex. Conversely, significant religious differences among spouses have also been linked to increased risk of violence and contention (Ellison et al., 1999). In summary, high levels of religious involvement—when dissimilar or unshared—may contribute to instability and volatility instead of marital satisfaction, stability, and durability.

Religious community and the importance of being equally yoked  

Faith involvement can be a unifying blessing or a contentious curse. It has been over 40 years since Bahr’s (1981) published finding that, “same-faith marriages are much more stable than interfaith marriages'' (p. 260)—but it is a finding that has been convincingly supported (Bartkowski et al., 2008). Indeed, religious commitments that reportedly help bind marriages when shared often produce tension and conflict when these commitments are unshared. This is especially true of faiths that require significant sacrifices of time and money. Sociologists Lehrer and Chiswick (1993) found, based on five-year findings, that Latter-day Saint interfaith marriages were more than three times as likely to end in divorce as those who married within the shared faith. Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who married another who also belonged to the church were classified by the researchers as remarkably stable (13 percent dissolution rate). Research by Carroll and colleagues (2000) has found that, “highly religious Latter-day Saints are less likely to engage in premarital sex, are more likely to support a traditional division of labor in marriage, [and] are more likely to desire a large family” (p. 202). These ideals are all proclamation centered, but they also tend to be (from a non-LDS perspective) expensive. They cost significant time, discipline, energy, sacrifice, status, money, and an array of opportunity costs (Marks et al., 2009). Indeed, when a spouse is called to serve in a time intensive church position, there can be significant costs to the family. The demands of fully consecrated commitment to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are best borne by married couples who are equally yoked and covenant. By extension, the greatest blessings the faith has to offer in time and eternity are to be enjoyed by married couples who have jointly made and kept covenants of consecration. 

This ideal is reflected in an extensive review of literature by (Dollahite & Thatcher, 2007), who summarized that a man with serious religious commitment and involvement, on average, is more likely than one with little or no religious involvement to:

• Remain sexually chaste before marriage and faithful to his marriage vows and thus not endanger his wife and children with sexually transmitted diseases nor father a child out of wedlock.

• Be and remain committed to marriage and children even during times of difficulty and thus not bring the trials and challenges of divorce upon his wife and children; be highly involved in the lives of his children and parent with higher degrees of emotional warmth.  

• Practice kindness and mercy in his relationship with his children and be less likely to abuse his children. 

• Remain involved with his children in the face of challenging circumstances such as dissolution of marriage or disability of a child; 

• Avoid practices that harm family relationships such as substance abuse, crime, violence, child abuse, pornography, gambling, and idleness (p. 431).

Dollahite and Thatcher concluded that, “based on the evidence of the research we [have] cited, it may be that [religious involvement] provides the strongest force available to reverse the powerful trends that are breaking fathers and children apart” (p. 431).

Prayer 

“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith [and] prayer…” 

Prayer for conflict resolution and cooperation in marriage 

Elder Russell M. Nelson (2006, p. 38) said, “Good communication is also enhanced by prayer. To pray with specific mention of a spouse’s good deed (or need) nurtures a marriage.” A research team that I have been a part of examined this type of prayer in a series of studies. Given that feelings are often hurt during conflict, necessitating forgiveness, we hypothesized that praying for a partner would increase forgiveness. Also, in these studies, researchers examined not just any kind of prayer, but specifically the impact of praying for a partner’s well-being (Lambert et al., 2013). 

In the first study, participants reported how much they prayed for their romantic partner’s well-being. After three weeks, participants who prayed the most for their romantic partner were rated as being the least vengeful during their interactions, indicating that praying for a partner seemed to facilitate forgiveness. In the second study, researchers found that the partners of participants who had engaged in partner-focused prayer noticed increased forgiveness in their partners compared to the partners of participants who were assigned to think positive thoughts about their partner. In the third study, researchers found that compared to participants who contemplated a philosophical question related to God, participants who prayed for their partner cooperated more often. In the final study, researchers found that on days when there was conflict in the relationship, participants who prayed for their partner reported higher cooperation with and forgiveness of their partner. Prayer for a partner predicted more cooperation, which predicted more forgiveness of that person. 

The religious practice of family rituals 

While prayer is reportedly helpful for many couples, it is not the only influential religious practice. Fiese and Tomcho’s (2001) work with a primarily Catholic sample linked shared, meaningful religious holiday rituals with higher levels of marital satisfaction. Lee, Rice, and Gillespie (1997) similarly linked home-based family worship with higher marital satisfaction. Even so, the study by Lee and colleagues also found that, in some cases, rigid, compulsory family worship was more detrimental for children than no family worship at all. 

Research on Jewish families indicates that certain rituals, including the celebration of the Sabbath (for example, the lighting of the candles, the Shabbat meal, and sacred prayers and blessings), can serve as family-strengthening practices (Kaufman, 1993). Such rituals are often intended to prompt a deliberate turning from the mundane or even profane to the sacred (Eliade, 1959), which includes a renewal of relationships with spouse and children. A Jewish mother of two in one study explained: 

When we take the time out, when we light the [Sabbath] candles Friday night, that’s a time that I feel really close to (my children).. I always say a prayer of thanks for my children. . . . When we sit across the table from each other, my husband and I, and the Sabbath candles are lit, and I see the kids, there is something I get from that that is so deep. It’s just a feeling that [all is right in the world] . . . it doesn’t matter what else is going on. Right in that circle . . . it’s awe-inspiring (Dollahite & Marks, 2009, p. 381, italics added). 

Repentance and Forgiveness 

“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, [and] forgiveness…” 

Why Repent and Forgive?

Repentance and forgiveness have historically been regarded by social scientists as religious issues only. However, since the 1990s, repentance and forgiveness have become increasingly prominent in professional literature. Mental health experts acknowledge that it is impossible to address emotional and physical well- being without considering the relevance of repentance and forgiveness. Likewise, the words of ancient and modern prophets affirm that repentance and forgiveness are central to the gospel plan.

Doctrinal Implications  

From a religious perspective, the need for repentance is clear. Hundreds of years before Christ’s birth, King Benjamin taught that, “salvation cometh to none . . . except it be through repentance and faith on the Lord Jesus Christ” (Mosiah 3:12) (The Book of Mormon, 2013). President David O. McKay (1953, p. 13) stated that, “no principle or ordinance of the gospel is more essential to the salvation of the human family than the divine and eternally operative principle [of] repentance.” Elder Dallin H. Oaks (2003) identified the instruction to repent as the gospel’s most frequent message and defined repentance as change.

The gospel of Jesus Christ challenges us to change… Repenting means giving up all of our practices—personal, family, ethnic, and national—that are contrary to the commandments of God. The purpose of the gospel is to transform common creatures into celestial citizens, and that requires change (p. 37). Christ taught that forgiving is a prerequisite to being forgiven: And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses (Mark 11:25–26) (The Holy Bible, King James Version, 1611).

Benefits to families and individuals 

Interpersonal repentance and forgiveness have obvious benefits in repairing or mediating damaged family relationships (Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2000). In addition, individuals and families who are able to forgive important transgressions are likely to have better emotional and physical health (Battle & Miller, 2005), and positive emotions improve health in a variety of ways (Harris & Thoresen, 2005). Numerous studies have demonstrated a relationship between forgiveness and well-being (e. g. Thoresen et al., 2001).

By contrast, not forgiving can lead to harm. Unforgiveness is considered a stress reaction in response to a perceived threat (Worthington, 2006), and the emotions associated with unforgiveness, such as resentment, hostility, blame, and fear, have been linked to health risks (Harris & Thoresen, 2005).

Repenting after Interpersonal Transgression 

Repentance is a process of enhancing internal awareness and interpersonal accountability (Holeman, 2008). Outwardly, the offender not only acknowledges wrong-doing but also makes reparation. Inwardly, repentance is achieved through humility and empathy, making it possible for the offenders to see themselves and those they wounded with a new perspective that is refreshing and motivating.

Humility is the opposite of arrogance, narcissism, or pride. Transgressors who are truly contrite are able to admit their mistake and make every effort to accept the consequences and conditions desired by the offended party without blaming others or justifying their actions. However, seeking forgiveness should not be confused with submissiveness, being unassertive, or taking inappropriate responsibility (Sandage et al., 2000), such as child victims of abuse who try to make sense of injury by reasoning that a parent who loves them wouldn’t hurt them unless they deserved it in some way.

Empathy is the ability to understand the deep feelings of another person. While humility helps transgressors see themselves differently, empathy helps them see their victim differently (Holeman, 2008). True empathy is experienced as a feeling, not merely as a cognition. It is not enough to say, “I know I hurt you.”

With empathy, the offender can know how it feels to be the offended person. For example, empathy helps a transgressing spouse respond to the following question “What if something strange happened, and you were suddenly transformed into your partner? Knowing how you treated [him or her], how would you feel? What would it be like being in an intimate partnership with you?” (Jory et al., 1997, p. 408). 

The scholarly concept of empathy meshes well with Elder Neal A. Maxwell’s (2002, p. 58) explanation of the change of perspective that comes through repentance. Drawing from the Bible Dictionary, Elder Maxwell taught that repentance is, “a Greek word which means ‘a change of mind,’ such as changing one’s view of himself, God, the universe, life, others, and so on.” In attempting to repent, said Elder Maxwell (2001, p. 10), “we are actually progressing toward what Paul called ‘the mind of Christ’ (1 Corinthians 2:16).”

Repentance is more than an apology. It is a humbling, all-encompassing experience. It requires offenders to see themselves through the eyes of the injured party as well as through the eyes of God. The offender is not entirely dependent upon forgiveness from the victim in order to experience the cleansing, healing, and renewing power of repentance. After true repentance, if forgiveness is not forthcoming, self-forgiveness can facilitate healing for the transgressor (Hall & Fincham, 2005). Ultimately, offenders must forgive themselves in order to restore self-respect or complete the process of reconciliation where reconciliation is possible (Dillon, 2001). 

Genuine forgiveness is a process, not a product. It is hard work and it takes time. It is a voluntary act that gives meaning to the wound and frees the injured person from the ills of bitterness and resentment. 

How to Forgive Others? 

Several models of forgiveness have been examined in the scholarly literature (Worthington, 2006). We chose to focus on Worthington’s (2001) cognitive–behavioral, five-step process, which is summarized below: 

1. Recall the hurt.  

It is human nature to try to protect ourselves from pain. Too often we try to deny or forget the pain of the offense and avoid the discomfort associated with addressing that offense in an interpersonal relationship. In order to forgive, we have to be clear about the wrongdoing and acknowledge the injury. 

2.  Empathize.  

Empathy involves borrowing the lens of another person, so we see something from their point of view. In order to forgive, it is important to understand the transgressor’s feelings. Was the offense committed knowingly or was it an honest mistake? What pain might the offender be experiencing associated with guilt and remorse? 

3.  Offer the Altruistic Gift Of Forgiveness. 

 Forgiving with altruism is easier when the victim is humbled by an awareness of his or her own shortcomings and offenses, with special gratitude for those occasions when he or she was freely forgiven. 

4.  Commit publicly to forgive.  

The victim has a better chance of successful forgiveness if he or she verbalizes the forgiveness commitment to another person (for example, telling a friend or counselor about the decision). Some victims have formalized their decision by writing a letter, making a journal entry, or creating a certificate of forgiveness. 

5.  Hold Onto Forgiveness.  

After Completing the Forgiveness process, victims may still be haunted on occasion by the pain of the offense. During this stage it is important to move forward. When thoughts revert to the painful injury, the victim is reminded that the decision to forgive has already been made. He or she does not have to repeat that process. When victims have successfully reframed their thought processes, it is probably because they have replaced the unwanted thoughts with something more meaningful or important.

Scholars do not know exactly how forgiveness takes place, but when genuine forgiveness is achieved, thoughts, emotions, motivations, and behaviors are changed. Worthington (2006) suggested that change is a process of emotional replacement wherein the complex negative emotions of unforgiveness are replaced with positive ones.  

Respect 

“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect…”  

Accepting influence from one’s spouse 

We can accept influence by turning to our spouse for advice, being open to his or her ideas, listening to and considering his or her opinions, learning from our spouse, showing respect during disagreements, recognizing points we both agree on, compromising, showing trust in our spouse, and being sensitive to his or her feelings. 

Vocalizing these suggestions can be done in any of the following ways: “Explain your thinking to me, please.” “What are your feelings about this issue?” “Please tell me why this is so important to you.” “Please tell me how you would solve the problem.” “What are your goals in regard to this issue?” Note that a kind tone of voice and the openness with which these questions are framed are critical in accepting the other’s influence. Understanding, compromising, and unity are goals happily married couples constantly work toward. 

Respectfully Handle Differences and Problems  

Couples may enter marriage expecting it to be idyllic, but the experience of differences and resolving them are conditions of mortality, perhaps eternity. Disagreements crop up in even the best marriages. How differences are handled is an important key to marital success or failure (Markman et al., 2001). While a member of the Seventy, Elder Joe J. Christensen (1995, p. 65)  taught a similar principle, “Any intelligent couple will have differences of opinion. Our challenge is to be sure that we know how to resolve them. That is part of the process of making a good marriage better.” 

What are some of the major areas in which couples may have differences and disagreements? In one study (Markman et al., 2001), money and children were reported as the issues most likely to be argued about.  However, it is possible to deal with the issues between partners without the discussion escalating into an argument. In addition to a covenant commitment, love and friendship, and other marital virtues and processes that bind a couple together, a good skill set is necessary to work through the challenges brought on by differences and conflict. These skills include prevention; eliminating destructive patterns; becoming calm; discussing issues softly, gently, and privately; making and accepting repair attempts; soothing oneself and each other; and reaching a consensus. 

Gottman (1995) has identified four destructive patterns and labeled them the four horsemen of the apocalypse, as they progressively lead to the downfall of a relationship: criticism (attack on one’s personality), contempt (criticism mixed with sarcasm, name-calling, eye-rolling), defensiveness (not taking responsibility for change), and stonewalling (unwillingness to discuss or withdrawal from an issue). Other major patterns (Markman et al., 2001) include escalation (upping the ante on a discussion), invalidation (putting down the other’s opinions), and negative interpretations (assigning a more negative view than what was meant). Couples are wise to identify the degree to which any of these patterns are present in their current relationship and resolve to eliminate them. 

Set the stage for a discussion by bringing up issues softly, gently, and calmly, remembering that “a soft answer turneth away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1). Gottman’s research (1999) labeled this the softened start-up. Avoid negative, accusatory remarks, sarcasm, and critical or contemptuous statements. Complaining is okay, but don’t blame. Speak for yourself. Use I statements to communicate your feelings (“I felt hurt when you left me alone at the party”), not you statements (“You are so inconsiderate”). Describe what is happening; don’t evaluate or judge. Be clear. Be polite. Be appreciative. Don’t store things up—remember Doctrine and Covenants 121:43, “Reproving betimes [without delay] with sharpness [clarity, openness], when moved upon by the Holy Ghost.” Bring up the issue privately with the person concerned, “and not before the world.” (see D&C 42:88–89) (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, 1835).  

Love 

“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, [and] love…”  

Love and Friendship 

Beyond simply assuming that spouses know they love each other, “husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other” (¶ 6). The proclamation mentions the responsibility to love and care before any other marital obligation or virtue. Christlike love is the central guiding virtue in marriage—it lights the way and draws attention to other virtues couples may wish to foster in their marriage. The Lord said, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; As I have loved you, that ye also love one another” (John 13:34). The command to love, by itself, was not the new commandment, for the commandment to love thy neighbor was given during Old Testament times (see Leviticus 19:18). The new commandment was to love as Jesus loves, thus setting the standard for the pure love of Christ that should be sought in marriage. 

In this dispensation the Lord commanded, “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart” (D&C 42:22), applying equally to wives as well as husbands. In commenting about this verse, President Ezra Taft (Benson (1987) taught, “To my knowledge there is only one other thing in all scripture that we are commanded to love with all our hearts, and that is God Himself. Think what that means!” Parents have not been commanded to love their children with all their hearts, though undoubtedly they do. But marital love seems to occupy a high and holy status. The love of which the Lord speaks is more than a feeling. Agency, or personal choice, is involved. Elder Lynn G. Robbins (2000, p. 22) emphasized this idea when he said,“Agency plays a fundamental role in our relationships with one another. This being true, we must make the conscious decision that we will love our spouse and family with all our heart, soul, and mind; that we will build, not ‘fall into, strong, loving marriages and families.”  

True marital love emerges from profound friendship (Fowers, 2001). After surveying 25 years of research on marriage, Gottman and Silver stated simply, “Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship . . . a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company” (2000, p. 19). This summary parallels gospel teaching of the role of friendship in marriage. Elder Marlin K. Jensen of the Seventy (1999, p. 64) emphasized that, “a relationship between a man and a woman that begins with friendship and then ripens into romance and eventually marriage will usually become an enduring, eternal friendship.” 

Nurturing Love and Friendship in Marriage

What can married couples do to nurture love and friendship? Here are a few ideas: 

1. Respond to bids for attention, affection, humor, or support. An announcement of, “I’ve had a rotten day” can be met with an acknowledgement of feelings (“I’m sorry to hear that”), a hug, and an invitation to talk more about it. 

2. Make an effort to do everyday activities together, such as reading the mail or making the bed. 

3. Have a stress-reducing conversation at the end of the day. This involves reuniting at the end of a busy day to see how things went and listening to and validating one another. 

4. Do something special every day to communicate affection and appreciation. 

5. Keep track of how well you are connecting emotionally with each other and make enhancements when necessary. 

Compassion 

“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, [and] compassion.”  

Compassion is essential for family life, it is emulated by the Savior throughout scriptures such as  Mathew 9:36, Mosiah 15:19, and 3 Nephi 17:6. But what is compassion and what effect does compassionate living have on marriage and family life?  

The Oxford dictionary defines it as, “Suffering together with another, participation in suffering; fellow-feeling, [and] sympathy.” (“Compassion,” n.d.). An analysis presented by Goetz and colleagues similarly defines compassion as, “the feeling that arises in witnessing another's suffering and that motivates a subsequent desire to help” (2010). It is interesting to note the addition of desire to help in the definition provided by Goetz. Furthermore, in a comprehensive review of definitions Strauss et al. propose that compassion is a, “cognitive, [emotional], and behavioral process” (Strauss et al., 2016) including the following five characteristics:  

1) Recognizing suffering.  

2) Understanding the universality of suffering in human experience.  

3) Feeling empathy for the person suffering and connecting with the distress (emotional resonance). 

4) Tolerating uncomfortable feelings aroused in response to the suffering person (e.g. distress, anger, fear) so remaining open to and accepting of the person suffering.  

5) Motivation to act/acting to alleviate suffering. 

So, what impact can compassionate living have? A recent study found that compassion has a significant influence on marital satisfaction. Compassion was found to not only encourage sensitivity and morale, but importantly enhanced patience when dealing with disagreements  (Muda, 2023). Compassion isn’t just mere kindness towards children. Structuring a child’s life with expectations for example, bedtime and diet despite their protests, is ultimately an act of compassion. Kirby (2016) goes on to say, “In many respects, parenting is the ultimate training ground in which compassion is shown and received.”    

Illuminated by these definitions, one can imagine the effects this Christ-given principle can have on family life. Elder Soares shares, “The expression of compassion for others is, in fact, the essence of the gospel of Jesus Christ and a marked evidence of our spiritual and emotional closeness to the Savior” (Soares, 2021). Elder Uchtdorf similarly shares, “The way you treat your wife or children or parents or siblings may influence generations to come,” He continued with these penetrating questions: “What legacy do you want to leave your posterity? One of harshness, vengeance, anger, fear, or isolation? Or one of love, humility, forgiveness, compassion, spiritual growth, and unity?” (Uchtdorf, 2016).  The principle of compassion should be at the center of family life. For members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, from the time of baptism, we promise to, “bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, [we] are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort” (Mosiah 18:8-9). 

Work 

“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, [and] work…” 

Meanings and Blessings of Family Work

President Gordon B. Hinckley listed families working together as one of four things that could “in a generation or two” turn society’s “moral values” around (1996, p. 7). Is family work a God-ordained necessary evil? Or do we ignore its true nature? In fact, ordinary household work that is often considered a waste of time can be a time of closeness and fun that strengthens family bonds and develops Christlike virtues.

We Must Leave the Ease of Eden to Follow the Savior 

When Adam and Eve left the garden, they exchanged an effortless existence for a life grounded in hard work. Some Old Testament readers may think of labor as a curse, but a close reading reveals that God cursed the ground to bring forth thorns and thistles, which in turn forced Adam to labor, “for [his] sake.” In other words, Adam’s hard work of obtaining bread, “by the sweat of [his] face” can be a blessing (Moses 4:23, 25). The Apostle Paul connects childbearing (and childrearing) to the salvation of both Adam and Eve (1 Timothy 2:15, footnote a; from Joseph Smith Translation). 

The reason family-centered work brings blessings and salvation is so obvious in common experience that it has become obscure: Family work provides endless opportunities to recognize and fill others’ needs. It thus teaches us to love and serve one another, inviting us to be like Jesus Christ. Elder Neal A. Maxwell observed, “The divine attributes of love, mercy, patience, submissiveness, meekness, [and] purity . . . cannot be developed in the abstract. These require clinical experiences… Nor can these attributes be developed in a hurry”(1998, p. 7). Family work can become the clinical experience that over time shapes us toward divinity. 

When family members work together in the right spirit, a foundation of caring and commitment grows out of their shared experience. The most ordinary tasks, like fixing meals or doing laundry, hold great potential for connecting us to those we serve and with whom we serve. Among student comments we collected in a course focusing on family work, we found this one: 

I never realized why my older brother and I were such good friends. When we were in our early teens, we helped my dad build our house, install the sprinklers, landscape the yard, and do all sorts of odds-and-ends jobs. I remember many times when we would have to cooperate to accomplish many of our work goals… Now that we are older, there is a bond that we share because we worked side by side in our developing years. 

Jesus was consistently concerned with others’ physical needs as He set the perfect example of a spiritual life. When He prepared the Apostles for His imminent death and instructed them on becoming one. He established the sacred ordinance of washing feet, based on a daily task ordinarily done by the most humble of servants. “[Jesus] riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself. After that he poured water into a basin, and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded.” (John 13:4–5). Peter objected, protesting that such work was beneath Jesus’ statue. In response, Jesus clarified its importance, “If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me” (John 13:8). Then he taught, “If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you” (John 13:14–15). Thus, Christ suggests that humble, serving work is central, truly for our sakes.

Literary critic Gary Saul Morson chose the term prosaics to describe, “a way of thinking about human events that focuses on the ordinary, messy, quotidian facts of daily life” (Morson, 1988).   

Ancient prophets understood the power of ordinary work. Nephi noted that, “by small means the Lord can bring about great things” (1 Nephi 16:29), and Alma observed that, “by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise” (Alma 37:6). Modern scripture also emphasizes the power of seemingly small events. “Out of small things proceedeth that which is great” (D&C 64:33). 

Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, “We must look carefully, therefore, not only at life’s large defining moments but also at the seemingly small moments. Even small acts and brief conversations count, if only incrementally, in the constant shaping of souls” (1998, p.8). Few things in life are as small, simple, or of seemingly little value as the everyday tasks we do for family members. 

A positive aspect of such repetition is that it facilitates learning. Quarrelsome, reluctant helpers one day can practice working together again the next day. Some chores may become daily rituals that teach love and forge family ties, building family identity moment by moment amidst talking, teasing, singing, and storytelling. A young man from a family that had never gone on vacation together nor ever once had family home evening, fondly remembered cooking together:

The most fun thing we would prepare together was enchiladas. It was definitely a group project because we would always form an assembly line. My dad would prepare the tortillas, and next, someone would be in charge of dipping them in the sauce… Down the line we had people in charge of cheese, olives, and rolling and putting them in the pan. There was a job for everybody, and we spent more time talking and laughing than preparing food (Smith, 1996, n.p.). 

Family members may not notice the cumulative impact of these small moments, but the daily repetition of words and actions that accompany such work helps form basic character, virtues, and beliefs. 

The changing work of fathers  

Before industrialization, most men learned the trade of their fathers and took pride in doing well the work they felt called to do. Indeed, vocation is derived from vocatio, the Latin term for calling. As workers came to earn their wages away from the household, the notion of work as a calling nearly disappeared. Where a son once had forged ties with his father by working beside him, he now followed his father’s example by distancing himself from the daily work of the household.  

Combined, these changes promoted a new ideal where family members were physically isolated from one another much of the day—the father working away from home, the mother (whether in the workforce or not) efficiently running the home, and children at school or at play. Unfortunately, when family members no longer cooperate for their mutual care, individual growth may be compromised and opportunities to love and serve one another may be diminished. A significant contemporary challenge for families is to find ways to cooperate in meaningful family work. 

All Family Members are Vital to Work 

Children can learn to take responsibility for family work.

To succeed, parents must have faith that the inevitable conflicts involved in helping children participate in family work will, in the long run, bless the children. Interestingly, among the families we interviewed, those who felt most successful were parents who had learned to enjoy family work. They did not waste energy complaining about the workload, wishing it would go away, or punishing children for less than adequate performance. 

Yet the Lord teaches us that we have an obligation to see the needs of others and respond to them in loving ways. In the Lord’s infinite love, He has high expectations because he knows our capabilities. Similarly, parents should have high expectations for their children. 

We can establish these expectations in caring ways, but children need to know their participation in family work is not optional. Laman and Lemuel, after being reminded of their duty to family and God, still refused to help build the ship, but Nephi insisted that lack of support was not an option. Guided by inspiration, he insisted that, “they [should not] withhold their labor from me.” (1 Nephi 17:49) because the Lord had commanded them to participate. To insist that children help when they would rather do their own thing does not damage self-esteem, it aids the discovery of true worth. Such insistence says, “I need you. You are an essential member of our family. We cannot get along without you or your help.” 

One young mother recalls pondering during scripture study why family work constantly requires every hour of every day. While reading about the law of Moses, she realized that, “just as the law was designed to remind the people of the Lord, our family work has been designed to point our hearts toward the central reason we are here on the earth—to build a family.” If children were never home and only had to be fed once a day, parents would get distracted. “But because they are spitting up on us, whining to us, dumping cereal on our floors, and saying ‘Mommy?’ all day, there’s no way we can forget [where] our focus needs to be” (Personal correspondence, 2010). 

Jesse Crosby, a neighbor to Joseph Smith, recorded the following:

Some of the home habits of the Prophet—such as building kitchen fires, carrying out ashes, carrying in wood and water, assisting in the care of the children, etc.—were not in accord with my idea of a great man’s self-respect. [An occasion when] the Prophet [returned a] sack of flour gave me the opportunity to give him some corrective advice which I had desired to do for a long time. I reminded him of every phase of his greatness and called to his mind the multitude of tasks he performed that were too menial for such as he.  

The Prophet listened quietly to all I had to say, then made his answer in these words, ‘If there be humiliation in a man’s house, who but the head of that house should or could bear that humiliation?’… Thinking to give the Prophet some light on home management, I said to him, ‘Brother Joseph, my wife does much more hard work than does your wife.’ Brother Joseph replied by telling me that if a man cannot learn in this life to appreciate a wife and do his duty by her, in properly taking care of her, he need not expect to be given one in the hereafter. His words shut my mouth as tight as a clam. I took them as a terrible reproof. After that I tried to do better by the good wife I had and tried to lighten her labors (2004, p. 141). 

Other benefits may accrue as well. Sociologists Scott Coltrane and Michele Adams found that school-aged children who do chores with their fathers are more likely to get along with their peers and have more friends, and they are less likely to disobey teachers, make trouble at school, or be depressed or withdrawn. Coltrane and others reported that wives see domestic contributions by husbands as evidence of love and caring and are therefore more sexually attracted to their spouses  (Personal communication with Kathleen Slaugh Bahr, 2010).

Family Work Becomes a Joyful Blessing When Not Seen as a Burden 

The daily rituals of family work are the Lord’s gift and blessing to all people and cultures. He provides daily opportunities for parents to teach while working alongside their children, for husbands to draw closer to their wives, and for siblings to bond while they work together to serve the family. Daily rituals of cooking, packing lunches, washing dishes, making beds, folding laundry, weeding gardens, sweeping floors, and countless other seemingly trivial tasks are the invisible glue that can bind families together. Instead of asking how to make such work go away, parents should ask how to use it to increase love and joy in their families. 

Jesus Christ taught that our willingness to perform these life-sustaining tasks will separate the sheep from the goats at the time of judgment, “For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.” Answering the query of the righteous as to when they had done so, the Savior responded, “Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” (Matthew 25:35–36, 40). We live in a world that now rewards and glorifies the work we do outside of the home and minimizes the value of humble work within our homes. Perhaps it is appropriate to include within the Savior’s meaning of the “least of these” the caring for our children, sisters, brothers, spouses, and parents in our own homes. 

Wholesome Recreational Activities 

“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” 

Wholesome Family Recreation: Building Stronger Families  

Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.

Recreation can be easy. We all know how to find fun things to do. In our current world, we are immersed in a plethora of entertaining technology. We have access to a variety of television programming; we have myriad interactive video games. If we are on the go, we have smartphones that access the digital airways. Opportunities to recreate surround us. The choices are endless. But we must consider the implications of these different recreation choices for the quality of our lives and families.

If Happiness Is Not the Answer, What Is?

If pleasure, wealth, material goods, and beauty do not lead to happiness, what will? Or perhaps we are asking the wrong question. Do we really want to be happy? Apparently not; at least not all the time. This answer may be surprising at first. Deci and Flaste wrote:

In truth, happiness is not all that it’s cracked up to be, and most people don’t really want to be happy all the time anyway. People often choose to go to movies or operas that are very unsettling—that terrify, sadden, disgust, or anger them. There is some- thing about experiencing these emotions, whether in the safe and comfortable context of a theater or at a dangerous mountain pass in the Himalayas that is appealing to many people…The true meaning of being alive is not just to feel happy, but to experience the full range of human emotions (1996, p. 192).  

They continue, “Happy is simply the wrong concept for what it is that is natural to people, for what it is that they seek and what it is that promotes human development” (p. 192). So, do we really want to be happy? Not if happiness is characterized by superficial sources and fleeting moments of enjoyment. Instead, what we seek is really found in “the great plan of happiness” (Alma 42:8); we seek fulfillment and gratification. One perspective on activities that bring fulfillment is identified in the work of Csikszentmihalyi (1997), who began a quest to understand what leads to our best experiences, which he called optimal experiences. Many years of research found that optimal experiences have common features. By gathering data about daily experiences from people across the world, researchers found that people become bored when their activities lack challenge. When they engage in activities exceeding their skill level, they experience anxiety or frustration. Between boredom and anxiety is an area of experience called flow. Flow, or optimal experience, occurs when our skill level is matched by the challenge. People identify these experiences as the most meaningful in their lives (Csikszentmihalyi, 1997). These experiences have eight of the following common elements: 

1. Confronting tasks that we have a chance of completing. 

2, We are able to concentrate on what we are doing. 

3. We have clear goals. 

4. We receive immediate feedback. 

5. We act with deep awareness, but have effortless involvement, forgetting our cares and worries. 

6. The experience allows us to exercise a sense of control. 

7. Our concern for self disappears, yet the sense of self becomes stronger after the experience. Finally, and perhaps most noticeable. 

8. The sense of duration of time is altered (Csikszentmihályi, 1997). 

Failure of contemporary happiness may come from our wrong assumption that we can make ourselves happy by seeking wealth and possessions that give us comfort and pleasure. Instead, we should intentionally create experiences that provide opportunities for challenge and growth for ourselves and our families.  

Family experts have warned against what they call the overscheduling of children (Anderson & Doherty, 2005). Among many measures of this disturbing trend are the reports that structured sports time has doubled, but children’s free time has declined by 12 hours per week and unstructured outdoor activities have fallen by 50 percent. The number of those who reported that their whole family usually eats dinner together has declined 33 percent. There is inspired wisdom in this advice to parents: What your children really want for dinner is you. 

The Media is a Block to Wholesome Family Recreation 

Another constraint to wholesome family recreation is our addiction to forms of entertainment that help us escape. We are tied to our mobile phones, television, social media, gaming, and the internet. We text, tweet, and look at social media during many of our waking hours and even during family meal time. As a result, children and their parents are spending little if any time together or out in nature and less time talking to each other. This movement away from wholesome family recreation such as hiking, camping, and simply spending time in our backyards may hold negative consequences for children and families.

In his book, Last Child in the Woods, Richard Louv (2005) argues that individuals and families have become disconnected from nature and consequently are suffering from what he calls Nature Deficit Disorder (NDD). Parents and grandparents of today’s youth grew up outdoors, working and playing together with friends, neighbors, and family. Today, families are increasingly spending large amounts of leisure time indoors, usually spending that time with electronic media (Rideout et al., 2010). In general, research suggests that nature plays an important role in promoting health and well-being (Maller et al., 2006). Louv reports that nature experiences have a direct influence on physical health; simple contact with nature, such as watching fish in an aquarium, owning a pet, working in a garden, or having a view of nature through a window can reduce blood pressure, increase survival after heart attacks, and increase speed of recovery after surgery. Stress-reducing contact with nature can influence mental and emotional well-being; children are more likely to be depressed or have a low sense of self-worth and to be less creative and sturdy under high levels of stress. Adults, as well, experience reduced stress in the presence of nature. And for children, some evidence suggests that nature can lower attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD; Louv, 2005). 

While outdoor family activities are not the only forms of wholesome family recreation, research suggests that as families participate in challenging outdoor adventure activities together, communication patterns are strengthened (Huff et al., 2003). When families are together for an extended time outdoors, they are able to reconnect with each other. The absence of cell phones, Internet, and television allows family members to interact. When families take the time and make the effort to go hiking, camping, and backpacking, and engage in other outdoor activities, they learn to cope with new and diverse environments as a family. These types of wholesome family recreational experiences promote family members’ beliefs in their ability to resolve conflicts at home (Wells et al., 2004). 

Nevertheless, planning and engaging in these forms of recreation can be time-consuming and difficult. Most families are packing in so many activities that adding experiences in nature may feel more like another burden than a joy. It is just easier to watch nature shows on TV, play video games, or surf the Internet in our free time. The concern with the trend toward spending far less time in nature, in part, is that it leads to spending less time together as a family. Even families who spend time together in their homes may struggle with the isolation created by the use of technology.

We must consider forms of recreation. Orthner and Mancini (1990) described three types of leisure: (a) parallel, (b) joint, and (c) independent. Parallel activities involve multiple members of the family doing the same thing but not interacting with each other very much. Watching movies and television are examples of parallel recreation. Joint recreational activities involve high levels of communication and interdependence. Examples include canoeing, tennis, chess, and rock climbing. Independent activities are those undertaken alone by individuals.

Research suggests that joint activities lead to the highest marital satisfaction (Holman & Jacquart, 1988; Orthner, 1975). Joint activities strengthen relationships by promoting interaction, communication, and cooperation. Increased interaction in joint activities may also lead to more conflict than parallel activities, but when resolved in a healthy manner, conflict can help relationships grow and improve. Conflicts provide parents with opportunities to model appropriate conflict resolution skills for their children. 

Often it is not possible to participate in joint activities, so spouses should support each other’s individual activity choices. A study by Baldwin, Ellis, and Baldwin (1999) found spousal support of individual partners’ hobbies to be a key predictor of marital satisfaction. Parents interested in helping their children become flexible and curious should spend quality playtime with them and model good sportsmanship, kindness, and fair play. Time spent playing with children also helps them become more secure and independent (Belsky et al., 1984; Slade, 1987). 

Wholesome recreation and adolescents 

With the start of adolescence, many children have less interest in recreation with parents and more interest in being with friends. As teenagers struggle to become independent, a variety of conflicts may naturally arise. Family recreation can create a positive home environment where adolescents feel comfortable discussing conflicts and personal issues. Family recreation can also promote healthy identity development (Duerden et al., 2009; Hauser et al., 1984).

Larson suggests, many middle-class youth are bored, alienated, and disconnected. As indicated in the research we cited earlier, leisure time boredom is linked to drug use, lower academic motivation, dropping out of school, sexual involvement at a young age, and misbehavior (Larson, 2000; Wegner et al., 2008; Widmer et al., 2003). This boredom appears, at least in part, to be a result of a lack of engagement with family members in wholesome recreation. Parents might consider each of these constraints and assist their teenagers in finding ways to successfully negotiate the constraints they face. 

Wholesome recreation often should include service learning or volunteering opportunities, like tutoring peers, cleaning up the local environment, and helping the elderly. Church programs, Boy Scouts, and after-school programs provide opportunities to serve. Researchers suggest that these programs produce positive outcomes, such as increased academic performance, positive self-concept, and reduced teen pregnancy, misbehavior, and academic failure (Catalano et al., 2002). These types of activities can be low cost and often are easily accessible. 

Family Recreation: Benefits and Challenges for Families 

Research has shown that family satisfaction with current levels of leisure involvement is a strong predictor of overall satisfaction with family life, even when accounting for income, marital status, age, and history of divorce (Agate et al., 2009). Other literature cites specific benefits such as enhanced communication, interaction, satisfaction, problem solving, trust, and love (Kugath, 1997; Nelson et al., 1995). Research conducted by Lehto, Choi, Lin, and MacDermid ( 2009) is among the first studies to find empirical evidence that family vacations, a common example of a balanced activity, are positively correlated with family communication, bonding, and solidarity. 

We live in a world full of opportunities to engage in wholesome family recreation, if we know where to look for them. Wholesome recreation is an intentional process. It can serve to promote positive development in our children, strengthen our marriages, and build strong families. We must know, however, what constitutes wholesome recreation and purposefully seek opportunities for our families to meaningfully recreate together. The components to wholesome recreation include opportunities to talk openly, develop skills, face challenges, create memories, share traditions and beliefs, and spend time together in the family setting. 

If we are drawn to seek wealth, material goods, and pleasure in the search for happiness, we are likely to miss important opportunities for wholesome family recreation. We may find ourselves struggling with emotional and social difficulties. A truly good life is one characterized by a wide range of emotions. Seeking wholesome family recreation requires each of us to think about happiness and what is truly important to us: family and living in a way that we could stand with confidence before God. 

Conclusion 

In conclusion, creating successful, happy marriages and families requires serious commitment to living gospel principles in the home. As outlined, principles like faith, prayer, repentance, and forgiveness establish the spiritual foundation. Practices like family worship, wholesome recreation, and compassionate service strengthen relationships. By incorporating these truths into daily life, families invite God's presence and match their goals and values. 

Several principles bear repeating. For example, prayer has the power to improve communication, increase cooperation, and soften hearts. Routines like scripture study or weekly Family Home Evening provide recurring opportunities for spiritual growth and togetherness. Repentance and forgiveness facilitate reconciliation, while compassion enhances sensitivity and patience. Respect means valuing each person's input and needs. Sharing work teaches interdependence and service. Wholesome recreation forges bonds as families relax and have fun together. 

Overall, living the gospel improves marriage and family relationships in deep ways. It helps couples resolve conflicts, meet challenges, and draw closer together. Parents and children are united through shared spiritual experiences. Despite difficulties, commitment to eternal truths allows families to progress toward the highest level of happiness and fulfillment. Gospel principles help transform homes into places of order, love, and happiness. 

As individuals and families establish Christlike principles in their homes, they access the blessings of the gospel. Their relationships grow stronger. Hearts soften toward family members. Perspective expands and priorities match. Even when difficulties arise, commitment to eternal truths equips families to weather storms. As couples and parents follow gospel teachings, they prepare their families to dwell together forever.  

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