How can I change behaviors and habits in myself and others?

As we look back on our lives, all of us have likely observed that it can be incredibly difficult to change our habits and behaviors. How many of us have set new year’s resolutions at the beginning of a year, only to find that we have faltered only days, perhaps only hours later? 

If changing our own habits and behavior is so difficult, it stands to reason that changing habits and behaviors in others is even more difficult.

The Influencer Model, by VitalSmarts (name recently changed to CrucialLearning), applies the research and conclusions of a world-renowned behavioral psychologist out of Standford University, Albert Bandura, to help leaders develop a framework that makes changing habits and behaviors much more likely. For a deep dive into the Influencer model, we strongly recommend the book, Influencer, by Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, David Maxfield, Ron McMullin, and Al Switzler. For this chapter, please read the following summary of the Influencer model and how it works to enable change in people and organizations:

READ: The Influencer Change Framework–The Power to Change Anything

The Influencer model and theory demonstrates that when leaders exercise multiple sources of influence to motivate change, the likelihood of successful change is greater. In fact, in the following study conducted with the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) “How to 10X Your Influence,” the authors of the study conclude that when leaders exercise at least 4 of the 6 sources of influence described in the model, the likelihood of successful change increases by ten times.

Consider the following:

• What behaviors am I currently struggling to change in myself and others?
• What sources of influence have I tried so far?
• What additional sources of influence could I leverage to increase the likelihood of successful change over time?

How can I measure the success of my life?

Clearly, if we wish to succeed in any goal or project, we must know what we are trying to achieve. If we then measure our progress toward that end, our likelihood of success and the speed of our progress will improve dramatically. But what about our life itself? How can we measure the success of an entire life? 

Clayton Christensen was a Harvard Business School professor until he passed away in 2020. His professional achievements were impressive, including being recognized in 2011 and 2013 by Thinkers 50 as the most influential business thinker on earth. Also, Forbes called him "one of the most influential business theorists of the last 50 years."  He was a faithful member of the Church. He published many books, including his most famous book, “The Innovator’s Dilemma” in which he introduced the theory of disruptive innovation to the world. He was respected, honored, and loved by his colleagues and by people all over the world for his impact as a professional.

However, Clayton was also clear that his priorities rested first with God, with his family, and with the service he gave and the love he showed as he sought to lift the people within his circle of influence. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, he worked tirelessly to share the gospel with students, colleagues, and even shared the gospel openly in venues normally reserved for non-religious conversation, such as when Forbes magazine interviewed him following his recognition as the top business thinker in the world. Rather that discussing pure business theory, the interviews led to conversations about him praying for God’s help to make it through serious health complications, the relationship between science and religion, and how God and the truth can lead us to have personal courage. To see clips from his conversations with Forbes Magazine, follow this link (C Christensen Forbes Interview), or search “Clayton Christensen Forbes” on YouTube.

Clayton Christensen was an outstanding example of a disciple-leader in the way he taught, loved his students, shared the gospel with others, and gave of himself to make the world a better place. Among his outstanding professional works, he also sought to help people learn how to share their faith, including his book and accompanying website, “The Power of Everyday Missionaries.” He also sought to teach the world new paradigms about how to lift the poor of our world in his book “The Prosperity Paradox: How Innovation Can Lift Nations Out of Poverty.” One of the reasons he was able to live such an exemplary life and to have such tremendous impact for good in the world was that he understood his purpose in life and he had a clear way to measure his success in achieving that purpose.

In 2010, Clayton spoke to the 2010 graduating class of the Harvard Business School on the topic, “How Will You Measure Your Life.” He was invited to give a TED talk in 2012 on the same subject. That talk was so influential that Forbes Magazine invited him to publish an article and followed with several interviews on the subject, as referenced previously. Lastly, Clayton worked with two of his former students to write a book of the same title: “How Will You Measure Your Life?” 

We highly recommend the book as it takes the reader into a more in-depth look at powerful theories of how things work in the business world, and then applies those theories (or statements of true principles) to how we can make decisions to live our lives in way that will make the achievement of what truly matters most (family, integrity, living with purpose) more likely. The following list includes some of the truths taught in the book:

• Your life strategy is actually determined by how you allocate your time, talent, and energies. What you actually do is your strategy, not what you say you will do. You can tell your values by looking at how you spend your time, energy, and money.
• Actively choose what is fulfilling (accomplishment, learning, purpose, autonomy) and eternal over physical factors. Help your children do the same.
• Plan deliberate strategies and be open to emergent strategies (strategies that become apparent as you are working toward your original strategy) as you walk forward in the spirit of discovery.
• Ask when you take on new assignments: What will have to prove true for me to SUCCEED in this assignment? What will have to prove true for me to be HAPPY in this assignment?
• High achievers are in danger of choosing what will provide the most immediate, tangible return over that which offers the more important, long-term return. Actively observe how you are spending your time and devise a way for you to review your life regularly to see if your priorities have shifted away from what matters most to things that, while providing praise and immediate feedback, matter less.
• The time to invest in buiding relationships is before they are in need of repair. We have to choose to focus where it is most important, but often seems that we don't need to because our family members are patient and willing to let us focus elsewhere.
• Seek to foster deep relationships instead of shallow relationships with many people. Avoid spending our relationship capital in social media and other distractions that keep us from investing in that which builds deep friendship and trust.
• Discover and provide the Job to Be Done (the things people are trying to accomplish) of the people you care about.
• Sacrifice for each other. Help each other succeed in what is most important to each person. We must be willing to supress our own priorities and desires to focus on doing what is required to help the people in our lives to be happy.
• We must decide our most important resources, the critical processes of our lives and families, and the priorities that govern our choices. Our children need to do the same - they must have actual, hard experiences to help them make these critical decisions, deep in their core, for themselves. Our actions display our true priorities.
• Help your kids stretch and be there to help them learn the right lesson when they fail. Urge them to dust themselves off and try again. If they aren't occassionally failing, they aren't aiming high enough. Celebrate failure if it comes as the result of a child aiming for an out-of-reach or hard-to-reach goal.
• Culture is formed through repetition. Define your desired culture at work and at home and never stop reinforcing it. When people act against the culture, don't just let it go - what you allow becomes your real culture. WE (the family) must decide on the culture we want in our family.
• "If you need a machine and don't buy it, then you will ultimately find that you have paid for it and don't have it." In sin, or just poor judgement, choosing for the short-term is almost always wrong. Take the long view and choose what will produce the best outcomes over time.
• Doing what's right 100% of the time is FAR easier than doing what's right 98% of the time.
• PURPOSE is created by a LIKENESS, COMMITMENT, and METRICS. Decide who you want to be, then resolve to pay the price to become that person.
• God measures our success by the individual (who we have become and the individuals we have impacted for good).

Clayton Christensen’s TED talk, which is a short version of what is shared in the book, is included here:

In the video below, he shares his thoughts on "How Will You Measure Your Life."

1. Watch this video, How Will You Measure Your Life?