A healthy marital relationship is built upon a foundation of mutual respect, communication, trust, and support. It thrives on open dialogue, active listening, and the willingness to compromise. Couples who prioritize emotional intimacy, empathy, and shared goals are better equipped to navigate life's challenges and celebrate its joys together.

However, Sidney Harris once said, “Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he/she automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he/she automatically deserves success in marriage.” Why then do some marriages falter? Research suggests that the primary reason can often be traced to the erosion of friendship due to unresolved conflicts.

Conflict arises when we fail to separate the thing from the person. Depression, addiction, selfishness, and other negative behaviors are issues to be addressed, not reflections of the person's character. Yet, our modern environment, including social media, often blurs this distinction, exacerbating hypersensitivity and undermining marital harmony.

Over time, unresolved conflicts can overshadow positive aspects of the relationship, leading to resentment and emotional detachment. To counteract this, we must learn to address conflicts constructively and nurture our marriages. Here are seven suggestions to help achieve this:

Pray: Seek divine guidance in loving and forgiving your spouse, and in recognizing their intrinsic worth.

Remember Marriage Covenants: Reflect on the sacred commitments made to each other and to God, renewing your dedication to the union.

Date: Invest time and effort into nurturing your relationship, focusing on the positives and strengthening your bond.

Expressions of Love: Find creative ways to express love and appreciation, fostering positivity and mutual admiration.

Perform Voluntary Quiet Service: Serve your spouse selflessly, without expectation of recognition, enhancing goodwill and understanding.

Say I’m Sorry: Practice humility and reconciliation, prioritizing harmony and understanding over pride and resentment.

Eliminate "You": Use sensitive language that focuses on feelings and personal accountability, fostering understanding and empathy.

In conclusion, marriage is a selfless partnership that requires ongoing effort and commitment. By implementing these principles, we can foster greater understanding, empathy, and resilience in our relationships. Let us each embrace the challenge of nurturing our marriages and rediscovering the love that initially brought us together. 

Consider the following case study. Please note that all names are fictitious, and some situations are fictionalized to stimulate thought processing.

Case Study: Julie and Dan

Julie and Dan have been married for two years, and money is tight. For the first time in many months, there is an extra $300 left over after all bills are paid. Julie comes home from work the next day and finds a new gun on the table. The conversation proceeds as follows:

Julie: “How much did this cost?”

Dan: “$300.”

Julie: “What! Why would you buy a gun with the extra money and not even talk to me!”

Dan: “I shouldn’t have to ask your permission for everything! I worked hard for this money!”

Dan storms out the door, and Julie immediately calls her mom.

Julie: “Mom! You won’t believe what Dan just did! Blah blah blah…….”

Julie hangs up the phone, and 10 minutes later, a very somber Dan returns to the house with some flowers that he cut from outside. He is very apologetic, admitting he was being selfish and hadn't recognized Julie's contributions. He acknowledges that he should have at least discussed his desire to purchase a gun with her. He then decides to return the gun the next day for a full exchange and refund.

Meanwhile, Julie’s Mom is furious and vents to her husband (Julie’s Dad). “Blah…blah…blah.” Julie’s Dad is so angry he can hardly sleep. Two months later, Julie and Dan visit for Thanksgiving, and Julie’s parents are very rude and distant towards Dan. In frustration, Julie exclaims: “Why are you being so rude to Dan? He is a wonderful man!”

Questions:

1.     Why are Julie’s parents so mad at Dan while Julie thinks he is amazing?

2.     Have you ever been in a situation like Julie, Dan, or Julie’s parents?

3.     What conclusions should we be cautious of drawing from conversations we have with others about our spouses or conversations we hear from others about their spouses?