Perhaps the rising rates of depression and anxiety are the result of a cultural shift in parenting techniques. In the book entitled: The collapse of Parenting (2015), Sax offers an additional perspective on why the rates of depression and anxiety are on the rise. The premise of the book can be summed up by one quote: “No child is born knowing the rules. Every child must be taught.” The book covers five characteristics that are showing up in the children of today: 

1. A culture of disrespect

2. Childhood obesity

3. The increased use of psychotropic medications in children and adolescents

4. American students are falling behind in academic skills

5. The creation of fragile childhood egos

The author suggests that the core issue is that parents have “role confusion” or the transfer of authority being taken from themselves and given to their children. Stated another way, the “new” parental patterns are to allow children to decide a course of action when it should be the parent’s prerogative. The result is that children feel empowered but end up adrift with serious long-term consequences, as suggested from the list above. Many children may think they know what is best for them but lack the cognitive ability to make the decisions. Using data from various experiments, the book demonstrates that parent-child interactions are more important than peer interaction, the most positive parental behaviors include:

• Family vacations are for the family, not for peers.
• Assign household chores and consequences if the chores are not done.
• Allow children to fail. It makes them stronger.
• Help a child develop self-control.
• Keep your word and teach by example.
• “Yes” is easier to say than “No.”
• Teach humility, gratitude, appreciation, and contentment.

Enjoy the time with your child. This sounds easy but is not always so in today’s hectic world. Parental multitasking during child time doesn’t work. Focus solely on the child and his/her needs and interests during your time together. Underscore and support the child about who he or she is, not what he or she does. Arrange for a child to do less (including so-called enrichment activities and after school programs) and become a more solid, strong person. Children will thrive when given the opportunity for more child-directed free play as opposed to adult-run activities. Unstructured time promotes creativity and problem-solving skills. When children are encouraged to be curious about their surroundings, instead of being taught to fear what could happen, they are programmed to view new experiences throughout their life from a mindset of discovery instead of anxiety.

Several common misconceptions about this parenting style are identified and effectively countered, and are listed here for your consideration:

• There will be a rebound effect when my child leaves home.
• My child will be an outcast and unpopular because it is important for my child to be popular.
• It is unrealistic for me to hold my child responsible for behavior outside my home.
• If I love my child, then that means I trust my child, right?
• If I follow this advice, my child will not love me anymore.