A Brief Literature Review of the Nine Principles that Establish and Maintain Successful Families

Compassion

Compassion has been defined as “sympathetic consciousness of other's distress together with a desire to alleviate it” (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, n.d.). Compassion can take many forms in family life, including how we speak and listen to others, how we think of others, and how we act toward others. In marriage, compassion is correlated with higher levels of marital satisfaction for both husbands and wives (Goddard et al., 2016; Muda et al., 2023). At times, it might be easier to express compassion when a partner is suffering from something such as depression (McNeil & Repetti, 2023), however, compassion should be employed even when the suffering is not easily observable or fully understood. Part of the reason why individuals would be wise to implement regularly the principle of compassion is that not only does it strengthen relationships, but it also benefits those who practice it. Reis et al. (2018) discovered that when partners participated in compassionate acts, such as caregiving, understanding and genuine acceptance of other’s needs, warmth, and placing the needs of a partner above their own, their emotional well-being improved. Although compassion benefited both the giver and receiver, those who practiced compassion reported greater benefits. Compassion is simply a practice that benefits individuals and families. 

When pursuing marriage, many people hope for a high level of connection with their spouse. Compassion is a key factor in connection for couples (Galovan et al., 2024). One form of connection that benefits from the practice of compassion is sexual intimacy. Fraser and colleagues (2023) examined the role of what they refer to as compassionate attitudes (i.e., accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement) and compassionate behaviors (i.e., forgiveness and gratitude) in sexual well-being (sexual harmony, orgasm consistency, and sexual frequency). The practice of compassion had a positive effect on their own sexual well-being and a long-term positive impact on their partner. 

Compassionate parenting is just as important as compassion in marriage. For infants and young children, compassionate parenting can reduce their cortisol levels (cortisol is a hormone released when experiencing stress), ultimately reducing their cumulative psychological stress (Poehlmann-Tynan et al., 2020). For these and other reasons, compassionate-focused parenting has become a focus of parent education programs (Fernandes et al., 2022; Kirby, 2019). Beyond helping the children, compassion can also help parents decrease their parenting stress(Fernandes et al., 2022) and respond better under stressful circumstances. One study found that a mother’s compassionate love for her child can help them become less reactive in stressful situations (Miller et al., 2015). Compassionate parenting may require greater discipline at the moment, but it does lead to higher levels of parenting and family satisfaction (Conti, 2015)

Please do not misunderstand: compassion does not mean an absence of rules, expectations, and boundaries in marriage or parenting. In some cases, compassion means saying no, not yes. However, how we treat family members can always include compassion. 

References

Conti, R. (2015). Compassionate Parenting as a Key to Satisfaction, Efficacy and Meaning Among Mothers of Children with Autism. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 45(7), 2008–2018. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-015-2360-6

Definition of COMPASSION. (2024, April 23). https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/compassion

Fernandes, D. V., Monteiro, F., Canavarro, M. C., & Moreira, H. (2022). A Web-Based, Mindful, and Compassionate Parenting Training for Mothers Experiencing Parenting Stress: Results from a Pilot Randomized Controlled Trial of the Mindful Moment Program. Mindfulness, 13(12), 3091–3108. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-022-02016-0

Fraser, A. M., Leavitt, C. E., Yorgason, J. B., & Price, A. A. (2023). “Feeling It”: Links between elements of compassion and sexual well-being. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 1017384. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1017384

Galovan, A. M., Caroll, J. S., & Schramm, D. G. (2024, February 21). Flourishing Marriages Are Made, Not Found. Institute for Family Studies. https://ifstudies.org/blog/flourishing-marriages-are-made-not-found

Goddard, W. H., Olson, J. R., Galovan, A. M., Schramm, D. G., & Marshall, J. P. (2016). Qualities of Character That Predict Marital Well‐Being. Family Relations, 65(3), 424–438. https://doi.org/10.1111/fare.12195

Kirby, J. N. (2019). Nurturing Family Environments for Children: Compassion-Focused Parenting as a Form of Parenting Intervention. Education Sciences, 10(1), 3. https://doi.org/10.3390/educsci10010003

McNeil, G. D., & Repetti, R. L. (2023). “You okay, honey?”: Marital quality and mental health as correlates to couples’ compassion. Journal of Family Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0001130

Miller, J. G., Kahle, S., Lopez, M., & Hastings, P. D. (2015). Compassionate love buffers stress-reactive mothers from fight-or-flight parenting. Developmental Psychology, 51(1), 36–43. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0038236

Muda, T. F. M. T., Husin, S. N. M. S., Chik, W. M. Y. W., Yusoff, Z. M., & Salleh, S. F. (2023). The influence of communication, compassion, and religiosity on marital satisfaction. Synesis (ISSN 1984-6754), 15(2), 418–430.

Poehlmann-Tynan, J., Engbretson, A., Vigna, A. B., Weymouth, L. A., Burnson, C., Zahn-Waxler, C., Kapoor, A., Gerstein, E. D., Fanning, K. A., & Raison, C. L. (2020). Cognitively-Based Compassion Training for parents reduces cortisol in infants and young children. Infant Mental Health Journal, 41(1), 126–144. https://doi.org/10.1002/imhj.21831

Reis, H. T., Maniaci, M. R., & Rogge, R. D. (2017). Compassionate acts and everyday emotional well-being among newly-weds. In Relationships, Well-Being and Behaviour. Routledge. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000281