A Brief Literature Review of the Nine Principles that Establish and Maintain Successful Families

Respect

There are many definitions of respect. One definition that applies to family life comes from parenting expert Lawrence Steinberg, who stated “respect is not measured in whether people agree with each other-it’s measured in how they behave toward each other when they disagree” (Steinberg, 2004, p. 180). Researchers have also used the following items to capture the concept of respect: curiosity, healing, attention, empowerment, and dialogue (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2006). Frei and Shaver (2002) sought to determine the common, everyday definition of respect within close relationships. They discovered that in close romantic relationships, respect indicates an attitude toward a romantic partner who is considerate, accepting, and trustworthy. Although definitions vary, it is clear that the concept of respect can be captured by how we feel toward and treat others. For children, a sense of fairness and prosociality (behaviors that benefit others) are considered important elements of respect; for adolescents, sadness for wrongdoing, sympathy, fairness, and inclusion are also important factors in their idea of respect (Malti et al., 2020). Knowing this, parents can foster greater respect in their parent-child relationships by intentionally demonstrating these characteristics.

The principle of respect can be difficult to apply during conflict or disagreements. However, when couples can employ constructive conflict resolution strategies, which require respect, it is related to higher levels of marital quality (Wagner et al., 2019) and lower levels of marital instability (Rahim et al., 2004). Greeff and Bruyne (2000) examined the relationship between five different ways of managing conflict and their influence on marital satisfaction. The five styles were competing (assertive and uncooperative), collaborating (assertive and cooperative), compromising (somewhat assertive and somewhat cooperative), avoiding (unassertive and uncooperative), and accommodating (unassertive and cooperative). In their study of 57 married couples, they discovered that women most often used accommodation and compromise whereas men most often used avoidance and compromise. Based on the idea that respect requires two people to engage with one another, even in conflict, in a considerate, trustworthy manner, collaborating would be the most respectful approach to managing conflict, while competing and avoiding would be the least respectful approach to conflict. In their findings, Greeff and Bruyne discovered that a collaborative approach to conflict by both spouses produced the highest level of marital satisfaction, whereas when one or both partners used a competitive conflict management style, the lowest levels of marital satisfaction were reported.

Respect in marriage is related to marital satisfaction (Jamalnik et al., 2020), as well as commitment and self-disclosure (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2006). However, respect in marriage can benefit not only the husband and wife but also their children. In fact, respectful conflict in marriage has been linked to positive child outcomes, such as decreased youth dysregulation, both emotional (difficulty controlling emotions) and behavioral (harmful behaviors), as well as improved coping effectiveness (Zhou & Buehler, 2017). In addition, self-respect (Kumashiro et al., 2002) and a healthy respect for parental authority are also likely to improve family dynamics.

The development of respect can take time and energy. However, if parents lead out with respect in both their marital relationship and their relationship with their children, children can begin to develop the characteristic of respect from a young age.

References

Frei, J. R., & Shaver, P. R. (2002). Respect in close relationships: Prototype definition, self-report assessment, and initial correlates. Personal Relationships, 9(2), 121–139. https://doi.org/10.1111/1475-6811.00008

Hendrick, S. S., & Hendrick, C. (2006). Measuring respect in close relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 23(6), 881–899. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407506070471

Jamalnik, M., Falsafinejad, M. R., Department of Assessment and Measurement, Faculty of Psychology and Educational Sciences, Allameh Tabataba’i University, Tehran, Iran., Khodabakhshi-Koolaee, A., & Department of Psychology and Education Sciences, Faculty of Humanities, Khatam University, Tehran, Iran. (2020). Long-term Marital Satisfaction: Couples’ Narratives of the Role of Mate Selection. Journal of Client-Centered Nursing Care, 6(4), 267–276. https://doi.org/10.32598/JCCNC.6.4.337.1

Kumashiro, M., Finkel, E. J., & Rusbult, C. E. (2002). Self-Respect and Pro-Relationship Behavior in Marital Relationships. Journal of Personality, 70(6), 1009–1050. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-6494.05030

Malti, T., Peplak, J., & Zhang, L. (2020). The Development of Respect in Children and Adolescents. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 85(3), 7–99. https://doi.org/10.1111/mono.12417

P. Greeff, Tanya De Bruyne, A. (2000). Conflict Management Style and Marital Satisfaction. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 26(4), 321–334. https://doi.org/10.1080/009262300438724

Rahim, M. A., Kaufman, S., & Psenicka, C. (2004). A Model of the Styles of Handling Conflict, Marital Satisfaction, and Instability. SSRN Electronic Journal. https://doi.org/10.2139/ssrn.602765

Steinberg, L. D. (2004). The ten basic principles of good parenting. Simon and Schuster. 

Wagner, A., Mosmann, C. P., Scheeren, P., & Levandowski, D. C. (2019). Conflict, Conflict Resolution and Marital Quality. Paidéia (Ribeirão Preto), 29, e2919. https://doi.org/10.1590/1982-4327e2919

Zhou, N., & Buehler, C. (2017). Adolescents’ responses to marital conflict: The role of cooperative marital conflict. Journal of Family Psychology, 31(7), 910–921. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000341