“Love one another; as I have loved you.” 

John 13:34

Foundations of Relationships

Jesus Christ taught that the two great commandments are based on relationships: loving God and loving your neighbors as yourself (Matthew 22:36-40). 

Relationships are connections with others, and they come into your life in a variety of forms: personal, social, voluntary, and involuntary. 

Personal relationships meet emotional and relational needs. These kinds of relationships are intimate and close, and examples include those you have with best friends, partners, or immediate family. Social relationships are relationships that occasionally meet your needs and lack the closeness of personal relationships. Examples of social relationships include co-workers, distant relatives, and people you recently met. 

Another distinction useful for categorizing relationships is whether or not they are voluntary. For example, some personal relationships are voluntary, like those with romantic partners, and some are involuntary, like those with siblings. Likewise, some social relationships are voluntary, like those with acquaintances, and some are involuntary, like those with neighbors or distant relatives. 

Knowing the kind of relationship you have with someone influences how much and what kinds of effort you might put into maintaining it. Communication is at the heart of forming your interpersonal relationships. You might use listening strategies to learn more about your partner's needs or have conversations to learn what you have in common. You can apply nonverbal communication through touch like embraces or kisses to show more intimacy. You can show distance in the relationship by avoiding eye contact, ignoring your partner, or using more formal language. Communication can be a tool to indicate what kind of relationship you have or want to have. 

Stages of Relational Interaction

Relationships are always changing—they are dynamic, always in a state of change. Scholar Mark Knapp developed ten stages of interaction that can help you understand how relationships come together and come apart.¹ Relationships do not always go through the stages in this order, and some relationships do not experience all the stages. You also do not always consciously move between stages. It's important to note that coming together and coming apart isn’t necessarily good or bad; it just is. 

Although this model has been applied most often to romantic relationships, most relationships follow a similar pattern that may be adapted to a particular context. Review the following graphic to see the process in action, then read about each stage. Consider some of the relationships you have or have had that are part of each stage.

Initiating

The initiating stage is where people come together, observe each other, and try to present themselves in a positive light. You make first impressions. For example, if you see someone at the store, you might watch the person, consider any previous knowledge you have of him/her, and apply appropriate communication for the situation. All of these factors influence how you begin getting to know someone, but it takes communication competence to adapt to initiating a relationship.

Consider how well you know the person already. If you encounter a complete stranger, you might start by noticing something you have in common, like commenting on the weather, or you could introduce yourself in a more direct approach showing your interest in initiation. If you encounter a person you already know, you’ve already gone through this before, so you may say, “How are you?” to deepen the connection you have made.

Consider your time constraints. A quick passing calls for a quick greeting, while a scheduled meeting or visit may entail a more formal start. If you already know the person, the length of time that’s passed since your last encounter will affect your contact. For example, if you see a childhood friend you used to know well visiting home, you may set aside a long block of time to catch up; however, if you see someone at work that you just spoke to ten minutes earlier, you may choose to not talk to them. 

Consider the setting. "Noise" might influence that initiation and so might your goals. You communicate differently at a crowded restaurant than you do on an airplane. You might work harder to initiate with the office mate who will share your cubicle than the woman who sits beside you for one bus stop.  

Even with all this variation, people typically follow typical social scripts for interaction at the initiating stage. You're making observations and presenting yourself for someone else, deciding consciously or subconsciously whether the relationships will develop. 

Experimenting

The experimenting stage is where information is exchanged and strangers move to become acquaintances, like the “sniffing ritual” of animals.² For example, on the first day of class, you may chat with the person sitting beside you and take turns sharing where you are from and what you are studying (initiating). Then you may branch out and see if any common interests emerge (experimenting). Finding out you’re both sports fans could lead to more conversation about games you have seen each time you greet each other. Experimenting often leads to a deeper relationship because of the connection of information.  

Sometimes the experiment may fail. If your attempts at information exchange with another person during the experimenting stage are met with silence or a pause, you may interpret their lack of communication as a sign that you shouldn’t pursue future interaction.

Experimenting continues in established relationships. Small talk, part of the experimenting stage, is common among young adults catching up with their parents when they return home for a visit or committed couples when they go through their day. Small talk serves important functions, such as creating a communicative entry point that can lead people to uncover topics of conversation that go beyond the surface level, helping you get to know someone to see if you’d like to talk to them further, and generally creating a sense of ease and community with others. Even though small talk isn’t viewed as very authentic, most relationships do not progress far beyond this point.²

Intensifying

The intensifying stage is when you indicate that you would like or are open to more intimacy, which is a feeling of being close or emotionally connected or supported, and then you wait for a signal of acceptance before you attempt more intimacy.

This small growth of intimacy can occur over weeks, months, or years and may involve inviting your new friend to join you at a party, then to come to your home for dinner, then to go on vacation with you. It would be seen as odd, even if the experimenting stage went well, to invite a person who you’re still getting to know on vacation with you without engaging in some less intimate interaction beforehand. To save face and avoid making yourself too vulnerable, or open,  it is best to naturally build up your relationship with others.

Aside from sharing more intense personal time, requests for and granting favors may also play into the growth of a relationship. For example, one friend helping the other prepare for a big party on their birthday can increase closeness. Serving in a church calling or on a volunteer committee together can do the same. However, if one person asks for too many favors or fails to return favors granted, then the relationship can become unbalanced, which could result in a change to another stage, such as differentiating.

Other signs of the intensifying stage include the creation of nicknames, inside jokes, and the increased use of "we" and "our." You might share possessions and have less personal space when sitting or standing together. This change in boundaries between individuals can be challenging if one person wants the change and the other is resisting, which can lead to conflict or confusion about the relationship’s future as new expectations for relationships develop. Successfully managing this increasing closeness can lead to relationship integration.

Integrating

In the integrating stage, two people’s identities and personalities merge, and a sense of interdependence develops. Even though this stage is most evident in romantic relationships, some aspects appear in other kinds of relationships.

Some verbal and nonverbal signals of the integrating stage are when friends or the social networks merge. You become friends with the other person's friends, and those outside the relationship begin to treat the relational partners as if they were one person (“Let’s invite Antonio and Dalisay”). The relational partners themselves present themselves as one unit, giving gifts together or hosting events as a team.

Even as two people integrate, they likely maintain some sense of self by spending time with friends and family separately, which helps balance their needs for independence and connection.

Bonding

The bonding stage displays the final stage of coming together, often including a public ritual that announces formal commitment, like a wedding. This stage may seem to apply mostly to romantic couples, but many other types of relationships also include bonding, like an official business partnership announcement.

Bonding gets its own stage because the symbolic act of bonding can have very real effects on how two people communicate about and perceive their relationship. For example, the formality of the bond may lead the couple and those in their social network to more diligently maintain the relationship if conflict or stress threatens it.

Differentiating

Individual differences can present a challenge at any given stage in the relational interaction model. In the differentiating stage, communicating these differences becomes a primary focus. Differentiating is the reverse of integrating, as "we" and "our" reverts back to "I" and "my." People may try to reboundary some of their life before the integrating of the current relationship, including other relationships or possessions ("my friends" or "my money"). Differentiating may happen in a relationship that bonded before the individuals knew each other well enough. Even in relationships where the bonding stage is less likely to be experienced, such as a friendship, unfavorable discoveries about the other person’s past, personality, or values during the integrating or experimenting stage could lead a person to begin differentiating.

Circumscribing

To circumscribe means to draw a line around something or put a boundary around it.³ In the circumscribing stage, communication decreases and certain areas or subjects become restricted as individuals verbally close themselves off from each other. They may say things like, “I don’t want to talk about that anymore.” If one person is more interested in differentiating in the previous stage, or the desire to end the relationship is one-sided, verbal expressions of commitment may go unreciprocated. For example, when one person’s statement, “I know we’ve had some problems lately, but I still like being with you,” is met with silence. 

Stagnating

During the stagnating stage, the relationship may come to a standstill, as individuals basically wait for the relationship to end. Outward communication may be avoided, but internal communication may be frequent. The relational conflict problem of mindreading takes place as a person’s thoughts lead them to avoid communication. For example, a person may think, “There’s no need to bring this up again because I know exactly how he’ll react!”

This stage lasts a long time in some relationships. Parents and children who are no longer close, couples who are separated and waiting for divorce, or friends who want to end a relationship but don’t know how to do it may have extended periods of stagnation. Short periods of stagnation may occur right after a failed exchange in the experimental stage, where you may be in a situation that’s not easy to get out of, but the person is still there. Although most people don’t like to stay in this unpleasant stage, some may do so to avoid potential pain from termination, and some may still hope to restart the relationship.

Avoiding

The next stage is when two people avoid each other in the avoiding stage. It may be a way to end the awkwardness that comes with stagnation, as people signal that they want to close down the lines of communication. Communication in the avoiding stage can be very direct—“I don’t want to talk to you anymore”—or more indirect—“I have to meet someone in a little while, so I can’t talk long.” While physical avoidance such as leaving a room or requesting a schedule change at work may help clearly communicate the desire to terminate the relationship, you don’t always have that option. For example in a parent-child relationship, where the child is still dependent on the parent, or in a roommate situation, where a lease agreement prevents leaving, or in a work environment where you are employed together.

Terminating

The terminating stage of a relationship can occur after initiation or after a ten-year relational history has been established. Termination can result from outside circumstances such as moving (geographic separation) or internal factors such as changing values or personalities that lead to a weakening of the bond. 

These ten stages of relational development provide insight into the complicated processes that affect relational formation and deterioration. You also make decisions about your relationships by weighing costs and rewards.

Social exchange theory

Social exchange theory weighs the costs and rewards in a given relationship, and you decide based on these how much effort to put into a relationship and whether it comes together or apart.⁴ Rewards are outcomes that you get from a relationship that benefit you in some way like companionship or someone to listen to you. Costs range from granting favors (giving a ride or lending something) to providing emotional support (being there when a friend is fired or has a new baby). When you do not receive the outcomes or rewards that you think you deserve, you may not want the relationship. In an equal relationship, costs and rewards are balanced, which usually leads to a positive evaluation of the relationship and satisfaction.

As a word of caution, don't view social exchange theory as an equal accounting of costs and rewards.⁵ You wouldn’t be a very good relational partner if you carry around a little notebook, writing down each favor or good deed you complete so you can expect its repayment. You become aware of the balance of costs and rewards at some point in your relationships, but that awareness isn’t persistent. You usually become more aware of the costs and rewards balance when a relationship is going through conflict.⁵

Relationships at Work

Although some careers require less interaction than others, all jobs require interpersonal communication skills. Since many people spend as much time at work as they do with their family and friends, the workplace becomes a key site for relational development. 

Supervisor/Subordinate Relationships

Many workplaces are based on hierarchy, and relationships between supervisors and their subordinates can increase the success or failure of a business.⁶ The supervisor-subordinate relationship includes two people, one of whom has formal authority over the other. Consider the communication challenges and rewards in this relationship, distinct from other workplace relationships. 

Information exchange is an important part of this relationship. Supervisors provide information to teach expectations of the job. Employees share information about what they did that day or ask questions to more fully understand tasks. Sometimes self-disclosure about personal issues affecting work is shared, like if an employee is expecting a baby or having trouble with a co-worker. If both parties are willing to listen and share, information exchange will ensure a successful work environment.  

A supervisor orients a new employee to the job or teaches a current employee how to perform a new role. Supervisors, in this case, have information power because they possess information that the employees need to do their jobs. It is not based on the same exchange that many other relationships experience at the beginning. On a first date, for example, people usually take turns communicating as they learn about each other. The employee must listen and ask good questions. 

The unbalanced flow of communication is also clear in the supervisor’s role as an evaluator. Most supervisors give their employees feedback on their job performance. Positive feedback can motivate employees, but what happens when a supervisor has negative feedback? Research shows that supervisors are more likely to avoid giving negative feedback if possible, even though negative feedback has been shown to be more important than positive feedback for employee development. This can lead to stress in a relationship if behavior that needs correcting persists, potentially threatening the employer’s business and the employee’s job.

Some supervisors are better communicators than others, as you likely have experienced, and sometimes the relationship becomes a mentoring relationship. Mentors help the less experienced develop their potential. The mentoring relationship can be influential in establishing or advancing a person’s career, and supervisors are often in a position to mentor select employees. Mentors function as a guide, helping another navigate toward career goals.⁶ Some mentoring relationships are formal like workplace programs. Informal mentoring relationships develop as shared interests or goals bring two people together. If a mentoring relationship succeeds, the two people will likely be separated as the mentee is promoted within the organization or accepts a more advanced job elsewhere—especially if the mentoring relationship was formalized. Mentoring relationships can continue despite geographic distance, as many mentoring tasks can be completed via electronic communication or through planned encounters at conferences or other professional gatherings. Supervisors aren’t the only source of mentors, however, as peer co-workers can also serve in this role.

Workplace Friendships

Workplace friendships range from someone you say hello to almost daily without knowing her or his name, to an acquaintance in another department, to your best friend. Proximity plays an important role in determining your relationships, and many spend much time at work sharing tasks with others. You do not become friends with all your co-workers.

Similarity and self-disclosure play important roles in workplace relationships. Most co-workers are already in close proximity, but they may break down into smaller subgroups based on department, age, or even whether or not they are married or have children.⁷ As individuals form relationships that extend beyond being acquaintances at work, they become peer co-workers. A peer co-worker relationship refers to a workplace relationship between two people who have no formal authority over the other and are interdependent in some way. This is the most common type of interpersonal workplace relationship, given that most have many people you would consider peer co-workers and only one supervisor.⁷

Peer co-workers can be broken down into three categories: information, collegial, and special peers.⁷ Information peers communicate about work-related topics only. These are the most superficial of the peer co-worker relationships, but that doesn’t mean they are worthless. Almost all workplace relationships start as information peer relationships. Information exchange is an important part of workplace relationships, and information peers can be very important in helping you through the day-to-day functioning of your job. You often are information peers with people because of the particular role they play within an organization. 

Collegial peers engage in more self-disclosure about work and personal topics and communicate emotional support. "Collegial" means a work environment where responsibility and authority are shared equally by colleagues. These peers also provide informal feedback through daily conversations that help the employee develop a professional identity.⁶ As some relationships with information peers grow toward collegial peers, elements of a friendship develop.

Special peers have high levels of self-disclosure with relatively few limitations and provide emotional and professional support for one another.⁸ Special peer relationships are the rarest and mirror the intimate relationships you might have with a partner, close sibling, or parent. 

Even though you might not choose those with whom you work, you do choose who your friends at work will be. Co-worker relationships move from strangers to friends much like other friendships. Believing you have a lot in common may lead to more communication about workplace issues, which may lead to self-disclosure about non-work-related topics, moving relationships from acquaintances to friends. Co-worker friendships may then become closer as a result of personal or professional problems. For example, talking about family or romantic troubles with a co-worker may lead to increased closeness as self-disclosure becomes deeper and more personal. Increased time together outside of work may also strengthen a workplace friendship.⁹ Interestingly, research has shown that close friendships are more likely to develop among co-workers when they perceive their supervisor to be unfair or unsupportive. Having a bad boss apparently leads people to establish closer friendships with co-workers, perhaps as a way to get the functional and relational support they are missing from their supervisor.

Friendships between peer co-workers have many benefits, including making a workplace more rewarding, helping manage job-related stress, and reducing employee turnover. Peer friendships may also supplement or take the place of more formal mentoring relationships.⁹ Friendships across departmental boundaries in particular have been shown to help organizations adapt to change. Workplace friendships may also have negative effects. Information exchange can be used for workplace gossip, which can be unproductive. Additionally, if a close friendship at work leads someone to continue to stay in a job that they don’t like for the sake of the friendship, then the friendship is not serving the interests of either person or the organization. 

Virtual Relationships 

Virtual workplaces are those not located in a common physical space. Employees are connected over a private network, often working from home on flexible schedules. Much communication may be accomplished over email, the phone or internet, and through video. Employees use technology to communicate with each other and clients. 

Every workplace, even for remote workers, has a culture. It can be challenging to develop relationships among remote workers. Intentional communication helps employees feel connected. Remote work doesn’t have to be isolated. Here are some guidelines for creating a positive environment in virtual workplaces.

1. Imitate best in-person practices. Some workplaces embrace not always being “all business” at work. Understand the culture. If your workplace environment is friendly, schedule time in virtual meetings for small talk. Consider holding virtual breaks with co-workers to talk about whatever you’d be talking about in a breakroom in person. Have getting-to-know-you activities in meetings. Celebrate birthdays or big events.  

2. Watch your writing. Avoid confusion by re-reading what you wrote before you send text or email messages. If most of your communication is written, judgment may be made about you in this nonverbal area. Make sure that your message is clear, especially because the nonverbal part of communication may be missing. Sarcasm, for example, doesn’t translate well in written communication. 

3. Schedule virtual meetings when written communication isn’t enough. Technology makes it easy to have meetings online or to make phone calls to answer your questions immediately. It’s easy for some information to be lost going back and forth in emails or texts. Consider what the best form of communication may be for sending and receiving information effectively. 

4. Meet in person, if you can. The benefits of meeting co-workers in person might require an investment of time and effort. Knowing others outside of the video screen or email address can have a significant and positive benefit on relational dynamics.  

Negative Work Relationships

Negative work relationships with bosses, co-workers, and subordinates can threaten the well-being of organizations and their members. Take a look at a few types of negative work relationships.¹⁰

Problems with Supervisors 

• The "different" boss- the subordinate sees their boss as very different from them as a person. 
• The "old way" boss considers the “old ways of doing things” as best. 
• The OK boss is average in just about every way possible and may be waiting for retirement. 
• The toxic boss is seen as unethical, obnoxious, and unprofessional by their subordinates. 
• The taskmaker is entirely concerned with completing tasks with no concern for developing relationships with their followers. 
• The intrusive harasser boss tends to be highly interfering and often wants to get caught up in their subordinates’ personal and professional lives.

Problems with Co-workers

• The adolescent wants to be the center of attention and get nothing done.
• The bully is too demanding of their peers and takes credit for their work.
• Mildly annoying co-workers engage in disruptive behaviors regularly but not to a large degree.
• The self-promoter likes to “toot their own horn” or brag.
• The pushy player coerces people into doing things for them.
• The independent other is perceived as distinctly different from their co-workers.
• The star loves to gossip and be in the middle of all of the workplace drama.
• The abrasive, incompetent harasser is uncivil in the workplace with a knack for harassing, aggressive behavior.

Problems with Employees

• The okay subordinate is a follower who is not great or awful, just very much middle of the road. 
• The abrasive harasser is an individual who creates an unsafe work environment.
• The bully bosses others around, takes authority, and engages in competitive behavior when competition is not necessary. Bullies may actually be deeply insecure. 
• The different other is a follower who is perceived as distinctly different from their supervisor. 
• The incompetent troublemaker views themself as above the law within the organization.

Can you see any people you have worked with on this list? Like it or not, you going to work with difficult people. You can only control your perspectives about others and not their behaviors. Chapter 6 will talk about working through conflict. 

Communication Skills in Business Settings

Being able to adapt to various business settings will help you be more successful in your career. 

Adapt to Your Audience

Speaking in business settings requires flexibility as a communicator. Here are several audiences and best practices for communication. It’s important to remember that many people do not practice good listening skills and that being understood contributes to success. You obviously can’t make someone listen better or require him or her to listen actively, but you can work to make your communication more listenable for various audiences.

Speaking to Executives/Supervisors

Upward communication includes speeches, proposals, or briefings that are directed at audience members who hold higher positions in the organizational hierarchy than the sender. Upward communication is usually the most lacking within an organization, so it is important to take advantage of the opportunity and use it to your advantage.¹¹ These messages usually function to inform supervisors about the status or results of projects and provide suggestions for improvement, which can help people feel included in the organizational process and lead to an increased understanding and acceptance of management decisions.¹²

Employees want to be seen as competent, and demonstrating oral communication skills is a good way to be noticed and show off your technical and professional abilities.¹³ Try to speak the language of executives who often have a larger perspective of an organization and may be concerned with how day-to-day tasks match with the goal or mission of the organization. Making this connection clear in your presentation can help make your presentation stand out.

Speaking to Colleagues

Much of your day-to-day communication in business settings is horizontal communication with your colleagues or people who are on the same level in the organizational hierarchy. This communication may occur between colleagues working in the same area or between colleagues with different areas of knowledge. Such horizontal communication usually functions to help people coordinate tasks, solve problems, and share information. When effective, this can lead to more cooperation among employees and a greater understanding of the larger function of an organization. 

Many colleagues work collaboratively to share ideas and accomplish tasks together. In a sharing environment, it can be easy to forget where an idea started. This becomes an issue when it comes time for credit or recognition to be given. Make sure to give credit to people who worked with you on a project or an idea. If you can’t remember where an idea came from, it may be better to note that it was a “group effort” than to assume it was yours and risk alienating a colleague.

Speaking to Supervisees/Employees

Downward communication includes messages directed at audience members who hold a lower place on the organizational hierarchy than the sender. As a supervisor, you will also have to speak to people whom you manage or employ. Downward communication usually involves job instructions, explanations of organizational policies, providing feedback, and welcoming new people to an organization.

This type of communication can have positive results in terms of preventing or correcting employee errors and increasing job satisfaction. If the communication is not effective, it can lead to unclear messages that lead to misunderstandings and mistakes.¹²

During this type of “top-down” communication, employees may feel uncomfortable asking questions unless an open atmosphere has been created that encourages questions. 

A good supervisor should keep his or her employees informed, provide positive feedback, explain the decisions and policies of the organization, be honest about challenges and problems, and facilitate the flow of information.¹³ Information should flow to and from supervisors. Supervisors help set the tone for the communication climate of an organization and can serve as models of expectations of spoken communication. Being prepared, consistent, open, and engaging helps sustain communication, which helps sustain morale or feelings of enthusiasm and confidence. Supervisors also send messages, intentional or unintentional, based on where they deliver their presentations. For example, making people come to the executive conference room may be convenient for the boss but intimidating for other workers.¹⁴

Speaking to Clients/Customers/Stakeholders

Communication to outside stakeholders includes messages sent from service providers to people who are not employed by the organization but conduct business with or support it. These stakeholders include clients, customers, and funding sources. Communication to stakeholders may be informative or persuasive. When first starting a relationship with one of these stakeholders, the communication is likely to be persuasive in nature, trying to convince either a client to take services, a customer to buy a product, or a funding source to provide financing. Once a relationship is established, communication may take the form of more informative progress reports and again turn persuasive when it comes time to renew a contract or agreement.

Make sure to be consistent in your level of communication through progress reports or status briefings even if there isn’t a major development to report. Not enough communication sometimes leads to suspicions that can damage a provider-client relationship. Make sure your nonverbal communication doesn’t contradict your verbal communication.

When preparing for a presentation to clients, customers, or funding sources, start to establish a relationship before actually presenting. This will help you understand what they want and need and will allow you to focus your presentation on their needs. These interactions also help establish rapport, or a friendly relationship where partners have confidence or agreement, which can increase your credibility. Many people making a proposal mistakenly focus on themselves or their product or service. Focus instead on the needs of the client. Listen closely to what they say and then explain their needs as you see them and how your product or service will satisfy those needs.¹² Focus on the positive consequences or benefits that will result from initiating a business relationship with you. 

Use sophisticated and professional visual aids to help sell your idea, service, or product. Proposals and pitches may be cut short, so imagine what you would do if you arrived to present and were told that you had to cut it down to one minute. This is your sales pitch that captures the highlights of what you have to offer and that can be delivered in a short time frame. 

Common Business Presentations

Now you know how to consider your audience in terms of upward, downward, or horizontal communication. You also know some of the communication preferences of common career fields. Let’s turn attention to some of the most frequent types of business presentations: briefings, reports, training, and meetings.

Briefings

Briefings are short presentations that either update listeners about recent events or provide instructions for how to do something job-related.¹² Briefings may occur as upward, downward, or horizontal communication. As the name suggests, briefings are brief—usually two or three minutes. They do not require formal speech organization, nor an introduction or conclusion. Briefings are often delivered as a series of bullet points, organized by topic or chronologically. Since a briefing is usually a summary of information or a series of facts, it rarely includes elements of persuasion or supporting information. A speaker may use simple visual aids, like an object or even a one-page handout, but complex visual aids are usually not appropriate. Briefings should be well organized. Since they are usually delivered under time constraints and contain important information, brief notes and unpracticed delivery can be effective.¹²

Reports

A report is a presentation on the progress or status of a task. Reports can focus on the past, present, or future. Reports on past events may result from some type of investigation. Reports on the present are often status or progress reports. Status reports may focus on a specific project or task or simply report on the regular functioning of a group. Final reports are presented at the conclusion of a task and are similar to a progress report but include a discussion and analysis of the results of an effort.  A common future-focused report is the feasibility report, which explores potential actions or steps and then makes recommendations for future action based on methodical evaluation. The purpose of these reports is basically to determine if an action or step is a good idea for an organization. 

Training

People in supervisory or leadership positions often provide training, which includes presentations that prepare new employees for their jobs or provide instruction or development opportunities for existing employees. About 75 percent of training is delivered informally while on the job.¹² As the training and development field expands, this informal training is likely to be replaced by more formalized training delivered by training professionals, many of whom will be employees of the company who have learned how to teach or been certified to train in specific areas. Organizations are investing more time and money in training because they recognize the value in having well-trained employees and then regularly adding to that training with continued development opportunities. 

Training formats usually include a mixture of information presentation formats such as a mini-lecture and discussion as well as experiential opportunities for trainees to demonstrate competence such as role-play, simulation, and case-study analysis and application. Trainers should remember that adult learners learn best by doing and want information focused on the main point, demonstrating how content is relevant to a specific part of their work or personal success.

Speeches

You might be asked to give a speech to a group. It might be to deliver information, persuade, or even give a special occasion speech, like introducing someone or accepting an award. Keeping the speech organized is key to helping your audience understand.   

A speech consists of an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. When organizing a speech, start with the body. 

The body

Determine the main points of a speech based on your research and supporting materials. The main points should support your theme. Each point you make should have an organizing signpost to indicate a transition, or change in topic, like, “First, I will share why it is important to …”, then, “Now, I will teach you why …” and “Finally, you should remember ….” 

The introduction

A speaker should do the following in the introduction of a speech: get the audience’s attention, introduce the topic, and preview the main points. Your introduction is only a fraction of your speech, but in that first minute or so, your audience decides whether or not they are interested in listening to the rest of the speech. 

There are several strategies you can use to get your audience’s attention. 

1. Use humor. 

2. Start with a shocking fact or statistic

3. Use a quotation.

4. Ask a question.

5. Tell a story.

After you have the audience’s attention, introduce the topic of your speech. Speakers sometimes forget to do this or do not do it clearly. Introducing the topic before the preview of main points serves as an introduction to the overall topic. 

The preview of your main points is usually the last sentence of your introduction and serves as a map of what’s to come in the speech. The preview narrows your introduction down to the main ideas you will focus on in the speech. Your preview should be one sentence, should include wording that is parallel to the key wording of your main points in the body of your speech, and should preview your main points in the same order you discuss them in your speech. Make sure your wording is clear and concise so your audience doesn’t think there will be four points when there are only three. 

The conclusion

In the conclusion of a speech, a speaker should summarize the importance of the topic, review the main points, and provide closure. 

After you transition from the body of your speech to the conclusion, you will summarize the importance of your topic. This is the take-away message. This can often be a rewording of your thesis statement. Once you have summarized the overall importance of your speech, you review the main points. The review statement in the conclusion is very similar to the preview statement in your introduction. You don’t have to use the exact same wording, but you still want to have recognizable parallelism that connects the key idea of each main point to the preview, review, and transitions. 

Like the attention-getter, your closing statement is an opportunity to exercise your creativity as a speaker. Many students have difficulty ending the speech with a sense of closure and completeness. In terms of closure, a well-written and well-delivered closing line signals to your audience that your speech is over, which cues their applause. You should not have to put an artificial end to your speech by saying “thank you” or “that’s it” or “that’s all I have.” In terms of completeness, the closing line should relate to the overall speech and should provide some takeaway message that may leave an audience thinking or call them to action. You can also refer back to the introduction in the closing of your speech. For example, you may finish an illustration or answer the question you started in the introduction.

Meetings

“It takes a pretty good meeting to be better than no meeting at all.” Boyd K. Packer, quoted by Elder W. Rolfe Kerr.¹⁵

You will likely attend and lead many meetings during your career. Why have meetings? The fundamental reason is to get a group of people with different experiences and viewpoints together to share their knowledge and/or solve a problem. Despite their frequency and your familiarity with them, meetings are often criticized for being worthless, a waste of time, and unnecessary. Before you call a meeting, ask yourself if it is necessary, since some issues are better resolved through a phone call, an email, or a series of one-on-one meetings. Ask the following questions to help make sure the meeting is necessary: What is the goal of the meeting? What would be the consequences of not having it? How will I judge whether the meeting was successful or not? ¹⁶

Tips for Running Effective Meetings:

1. Distribute an agenda to those attending two to three days in advance of the meeting.
2. Divide items on the agenda into “for information,” “for discussion,” and “for decision.”
3. Put items that need close attention early on the agenda.
4. Since senior attendees’ comments may influence or limit junior people’s comments, ask for comments from junior attendees first.
5. People sometimes continue talking even after agreement has been reached, so it’s important to know when to move on to the next item on the agenda.
6. At the end of a meeting, share what was accomplished and set goals for the next meeting.
7. Compile meeting minutes within forty-eight hours and distribute them to the attendees.

Virtual meetings

Virtual meetings are common for many remote workers. This kind of meeting allows flexibility and enables people all over the world to communicate. Just like an in-person meeting, some practices will make these more effective.  

1. Know your channel. Test your camera, your microphone, your internet, and your knowledge of the technology format so you are ready to participate. Practice ahead of time if you can. 
2. Send and review information ahead of time.  Value your co-workers’ time by emailing reports that can be read ahead of time, and spend the time in the meeting collaborating and doing what can only be done during a meeting.   
3. Turn on your camera. This simple addition of all contributors visually improves engagement and accountability. Consider what you have learned about nonverbal communication. Nodding, smiling, and eye contact can be important indicators that the message you are sending is being received. This also prevents the temptation to multi-task during the meeting. If your meetings are well-planned, they should not waste anyone’s time. 
4. Organize the meeting. Beginning a virtual meeting by having each person speak/introduce/respond to a getting-to-know-you question creates an environment where each contributor feels valued. Agendas help focus a virtual meeting and keep the meeting on task. Concluding a meeting with five to ten minutes of wrap-up ensures that the meeting has met its goals and that each person feels heard. 

Relationships with Family and God

Some people spend more time working than anything else they do in life (besides sleeping), and some people spend more time with the people they work with than the people they live with. It shouldn’t be too surprising that your workplace relationships will be very important to your overall quality of life and some attention should be given to them. 

However, your eternal family relationships are sacred. Marriage and family life are ordained of God.¹⁷ In April 2023, Elder M. Russell Ballard (2023), a modern-day prophet, reminded that family relationships were among the most important in your life.  

“Nurturing these important relationships is a choice. A choice to be part of a family requires commitment, love, patience, communication, and forgiveness. There may be times when we disagree with another person, but we can do so without being disagreeable. In courtship and marriage, we don’t fall in love or fall out of love as though we are objects being moved on a chessboard. We choose to love and sustain one another. We do the same in other family relationships and with friends who are like family to us”¹⁸

Your relationship with Father in Heaven, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost are also sacred connections you can improve through effort. All the communication tools learned in this class can be applied to developing these important spiritual relationships. Listening skills can make your prayers more powerful. You can feel the Spirit and receive revelation through nonverbal communication. Verbal communication skills aid you as you testify of Christ and study the scriptures. Removing “noise” that interferes with your communication with God can improve the quality of your prayers. 

As you invest time to develop your spiritual relationships, you create eternal bonds. Your Father in Heaven loves you and knows you. Jesus Christ is your Brother and your Savior. The Spirit can be with you at all times, guiding your life. Your small and simple efforts draw them closer to you.     

Spiritual Relationships

What is your relationship with your Father in Heaven like? Who is Jesus Christ to you? How does the Spirit speak to you? 

President James E. Faust (1966), a modern-day prophet, shared five simple ways to develop a personal relationship with the Savior: 

“First: A daily communion involving prayer. A fervent, sincere prayer is a two-way communication which will do much to bring His Spirit flowing like healing water to help with the trials, hardships, aches, and pains we all face. What is the quality of our secret prayers when only He listens? As we pray, we should think of Him as being close by, full of knowledge, understanding, love, and compassion, the essence of power, and as having great expectations of each of us.

“Second: A daily selfless service to another. The followers of the divine Christ have to be weighed on the scales of what their actions are rather than on solemn professions of belief. The true measure is found in Matthew: “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these … , ye have done it unto me.” (Matt. 25:40) A wise man observed, “The man who lives by himself and for himself is apt to be corrupted by the company he keeps.”¹⁹

“Third: A daily striving for an increased obedience and perfection in our lives. “What manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am,” said the Savior. (3 Ne. 27:27) Because of the perfect atonement of Jesus, just men may be made perfect. (See D&C 76:69)

“Fourth: A daily acknowledgment of His divinity. To have a daily, personal relationship with the Master, we must be His disciples. “For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?” (Mosiah 5:13)

“Fifth: A daily study of the scriptures. President Kimball has said: “I find that when I get casual in my relationships with divinity and when it seems that no divine ear is listening and no divine voice is speaking, that I am far, far away. If I immerse myself in the scriptures, the distance narrows and the spirituality returns.”²⁰

Study Tips

• Make flashcards yourself with physical materials.
• Use flashcard apps - quizlet.com is a good example of an application that allows you to make your own flashcards.
• Read the assignments and try to understand what the words mean. The reading assignments for this week include the words you are required to study.

¹ 10 Knapp, M. L., & Vangelisti, A. L. (1992). Interpersonal communication and human behavior (2nd ed.). Allyn & Bacon.

² Knapp, M. L. and Anita L. Vangelisti, Interpersonal Communication and Human Relationships (Boston, MA: Pearson, 2009), 32–51.

³ Oxford English Dictionary Online, 2011

⁴ Harvey, J. H. and Amy Wenzel, “Theoretical Perspectives in the Study of Close Relationships,” in The Cambridge Handbook of Personal Relationships, eds. Anita L. Vangelisti and Daniel Perlman (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2006), 38–39.

⁵ Noller, P., “Bringing It All Together: A Theoretical Approach,” in The Cambridge Handbook of Personal Relationships, eds. Anita L. Vangelisti and Daniel Perlman (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2006), 770.

⁶ Sias, P. M., Organizing Relationships: Traditional and Emerging Perspectives on Workplace Relationships (Los Angeles, CA: Sage, 2009), 2.

⁷ Sias, P. M., “Workplace Relationship Quality and Employee Information Experiences,” Communication Studies 56, no. 4 (2005): 377.

⁸ Kram, K. E. and L. A. Isabella, “Mentoring Alternatives: The Role of Peer Relationships in Career Development,” Academy of Management Journal 28, no. 20 (1985): 110–32.

⁹ Sias, P. M. and Daniel J. Cahill, “From Co-workers to Friends: The Development of Peer Friendships in the Workplace,” Western Journal of Communication 62, no. 3 (1998): 287.

¹⁰ Harden Fritz, J. M. (2009). Typology of troublesome others at work: A follow-up investigation. In J. M. Harden Fritz and B. L. Omdahl (Eds.), Problematic relationships in the workplace (pp. 22-46). Peter Lang; pg. 31.

¹¹ Nichols, R. G. and Leonard A. Stevens, “Listening to People,” in Harvard Business Review on Effective Communication (Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press, 1999), 14–15.

¹² Adler, R. B. and Jeanne Marquardt Elmhorst, Communicating at Work: Principles and Practices for Businesses and the Professions, 8th ed. (Boston, MA: McGraw-Hill, 2005), 15.

¹³ Bartolome, F., “Nobody Trusts the Boss Completely—Now What?” in Harvard Business Review on Effective Communication (Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press, 1999), 92.

¹⁴ Larkin, T. J. and Sandar Larkin, “Reaching and Changing Frontline Employees,” in Harvard Business Review on Effective Communication (Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press, 1999), 152.

¹⁵ Boyd K. Packer, Kerr, 2004, Family History Conference

¹⁶ Jay, A., “How to Run a Meeting,” in Harvard Business Review on Effective Communication (Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press, 1999), 34.

¹⁷ The Family: A Proclamation to the World

¹⁸ “Remember What Matters Most,” General Conference, April 2023

¹⁹ Charles Henry Parkhurst, quoted in The International Dictionary of Thoughts, Chicago: J. G. Ferguson, 1969, p. 659.

²⁰ “What I Hope You Will Teach My Grandchildren …,” address to seminary and institute personnel, July 11, 1966.