Overview 

• Task: Write and compare two conflict-centered letters and analyze them. 
• Purpose: To reflect on your experience and conflict-resolution strategies.

Source: Pexels.com

When United States president Abraham Lincoln felt the urge to angrily reproach someone, he was known to compose a “hot letter.” He’d pile all of his anger into a note, then put it aside until his emotions cooled down. He never sent those letters, but sometimes he would compose another letter with his emotions in check.  
 
It is an important skill to understand your emotions during conflict and validate your own perspective before commencing on important conflict-resolving communication. Writing “hot letters” shows the difference between emotion-driven communication and thoughtful communication. One is good for understanding what's going on inside of you intrapersonally. The other is beneficial for figuring out how to use your best communication to work through that conflict effectively. Both letters teach important intrapersonal and interpersonal communication skills.  

Perhaps, like Lincoln, this exercise can bless you too.  

Instructions 

1. Write two letters to someone with whom you have a difference of opinion or perhaps has offended you. It can be to a co-worker, a company, a response to a post on social media, a family member, a roommate, a friend. You don’t have to use real names. It is a more effective exercise when it is based on a real conflict.
2. Part 1: Write the “hot letter” without concern for the other person. Break rules from our textbook in handling conflict situations as you write whatever comes to mind. 
3. Part 2: Compose a second letter to the same person about the same conflict, using conflict-management strategies from our book, outside reading, or our discussion board. Be deliberate and thoughtful.  
4. Part 3: Finally, submit your two letters and write a three-paragraph analysis comparing the two letters. 

Label the first section PREPARATION.

• Copy and paste your two letters. Label one "hot letter" and labeled one "conflict-resolution letter." 

Label the next section RECOGNIZE CONTENTION. Review the “hot letter” and write one paragraph responding to the following: 

• EMOTIONS. Consider what emotions you felt while writing this letter, recognizing what contention feels like. 
• EMPATHY. Use empathy and consider what the person reading it would feel like.  
• VOCABULARY TRIGGERS. Identify at least THREE triggering strategies you might have used such as mind-reading, one-upping, criticism, demands, rejection, cumulative annoyance, passive-aggressiveness, hinting, joking, competing, or contention in general. (If you don't see any of these, feel free to add some to your letter!)   

Label the next section IMPLEMENT CONFLICT RESOLUTION. Review the second letter and write one paragraph responding to the following: 

• EMOTIONS. Consider what emotions you felt while writing it, comparing your feelings between two letters.
• GOALS. Consider the goals you'd hope to achieve if you sent it. 
• STRATEGIES. Note the strategies you implemented to create a positive conflict-resolution experience for the reader. You should identify at least THREE strategies you used. You can use strategies you found in the talk you study this week in our discussion, outside sources, or use our textbook. (Examples: The Study Think Listen Communicate model, validating, collaborating, being a peacemaker, turning the other cheek, perception-checking, etc.)  

Label the last section UNDERSTAND. Reflect on what you’ve learned on this assignment and from your readings. 

• KNOWLEDGE. What did you learn from this assignment?
• CONFLICT VS. CONTENTION. What, in your own words, is the difference between conflict and contention?  

NOTE: You do not have to mail or email either letter. Do not worry about the formalities of letter writing. You will be graded on your reflection.

5. Submit both letters and analysis to the W06 Assignment: Hot Letters assignment in Canvas. PLEASE make sure you write your material yourself, not using generative AI. You are the expert, and this assignment will give you skills to resolve the many conflicts that will come into your life in more positive ways. 

Example of submission: 

PREPARATION

Hot Letter:

Hey Instructor, 

Are you completely insane? Has your brain been replaced by cheese? I can't believe you would actually think I deserved a failing grade on this assignment. I worked harder than you ever have, and I bet you never worked at all in your life! Do you even know your subject? I hope you get fired! 

Your Student

Conflict-resolution letter: 

Dear Instructor, 

I see your efforts to help me succeed in class, and I wanted to reach out about a concern I have on my recent grade. I worked very hard on this assignment, so I was surprised to see a failing score.

Will you help me to learn from this experience? I thought I had done well, and I want to learn how I can improve for my future. Can you explain to me why I received this score? Also, do you offer opportunities for resubmissions? 

I know that this assignment isn't the only one in class and there will be more opportunities for improvement, but I would like to learn from the experience. 

Thank you, 

Your Student

RECOGNIZE CONTENTION:

EMOTIONS - I'll admit that writing the first letter made me feel very angry and frustrated! I physically felt angry and was practically stabbing at my keyboard as I wrote it, even though this experience happened a few weeks ago to me. I realized I was breathing hard, and my shoulders were tense. When my roommate came in, I actually was rude to her, even though she had nothing to do with this experience!

EMPATHY - This instructor is a kind person who is very passionate about his teaching, so I know that if I sent this letter, he'd be hurt. 

TRIGGERS - Rereading my letter, I can see I used triggering strategies: 

• joking when I asked if my instructor's brain was made of cheese 
• criticism when I insulted my instructor by saying he'd never worked
• passive-aggression when I really didn't say what was wrong -- I just insulted him

IMPLEMENT CONFLICT RESOLUTION:

EMOTIONS - As soon as I started writing the second letter, I felt those angry emotions fall away, and I was focused only on resolving the conflict. My attitude improved, and I felt in control and calm.

GOALS - My goals in this letter were to find out what I did wrong and improve, and maybe even resubmit. It was about fixing the conflict rather than attacking the person.    

STRATEGIES - I used validating by acknowledging what my teacher was trying to accomplish and how I had seen him try to help me and other students. Then I used collaborating to find out ways we could work together so I could improve. I also used something from perception-checking and the Pillow Method: "The issue isn't as important as it seems." I kept saying this to myself as a reminder as I wrote. One failing assignment doesn't mean I'm a bad student or he's a bad teacher.  

UNDERSTAND

LEARN - I can see why its important to remember that its not about the person but the conflict. The second I changed focus from attacking my teacher to trying to improve, I felt a shift in my mood. I actually felt hope instead of anger.  

CONFLICT VS CONTENTION - Contention tries to destroy while conflict-resolution tries to improve. Contention is about one person winning and the other losing while conflict-resolution is about working together.